The Season Begins….

We made it! After 7 hours in the car we finally made it. It really wasn't as bad as everyone thought it would be for me. We stopped several times allowing my lungs/breathing to try and adjust to the different elevation.  I think because we were traveling to a lower elevation it was not as hard on me. In Utah we are at about 4400 feet elevation and in Nevada we were at 2100 feet. I stayed down and tried not to overdo so that I would be able to make it to both of her lacrosse games tonight.

I was so excited to be able to not have to miss her games. Last year during her Lacrosse season I had to miss so many games after I was just recently diagnosed with this disease. The specialist put me on a high dose of steroids  for an entire month. When I was on these it made my disease so much worse, I was flat down in bed and missed so many games. It broke my heart to not be there last year.

This year I am extremely excited to be able to save up the energy I do have for my children's games. I am determined to not miss a single one this year!

Shaniah did well and was so excited to play her first game of the season. Her team won both games and really enjoyed playing and having fun.

Shaniah is the one squatting on the front left.

The Riverton Girls Lacrosse Team

I was so grateful today for:

1. Not flaring or having big problems on the drive to Nevada

2. Being able to watch both of my daughters games today.

3. Going a full day without an adjustment and not having a severe migraine

4. Having the strength and energy to be there for my daughter

5. Proving to myself, my hubby and my daughter that I can do hard thing with the help of the Lord

Just Grateful for….

Today I am Grateful For:
1. The opportunity I had to go to my chiropractor two times today for adjustments which helped alleviate a great deal of my pain.
2. My wonderful hubby who is packing and getting us ready to travel to Nevada for a lacrosse tournament
3. A sweet teenage daughter who doesn't want me to go on the trip because she does not want me to flare.
4. My chiropractor who is worried about me going out of town for 3 days and not having adjustments and who gave me a name and number to  chiropractor in Nevada.

5. The sweet blessings of knowing that Lord will help me make it through hard things.

Ireland…Our Tender Mercy

This is my son J'Dee just chilling with his niece Landee.  

Uncle J'Dee just chilling  with Landee

I have to admit one of the best things about being a Grandma is watching my other kids become Uncles and Aunts.  I had no idea just how much fun it would be to watch my kids enjoy this little bundle of joy as much as my hubby and I have.

This little baby has come to our family at the most perfect time. She came into our family at one of the most difficult times that we have experienced in our lives so far. She has brought light on days we felt as if there was never-ending darkness. She has instilled a hope for the future and brought peace to our hearts.  Her smiles and giggles have brought love and happiness to each one of us. 

This tiny baby has been such a blessing to all of us and has shared her inner light with all of us. We have all been touched by her sweet tender spirit and have felt the love of the Lord through her. I know she was sent to our family at a time when we really truly needed her in our lives!

I joke with my family and tell them she is the best pain pill I could ever ask for, but honestly when she is around my pain is covered up with complete and ultimate joy for this little one who so recently left the presence of our Father in Heaven. She definitely is the tender mercy we all needed at this time. 

The Lord definitely knew what he was doing when he sent her to our family at this time. He knew we would need her to make it thorough the struggles we are currently going through. Growing our eternal family is THE most important thing we could ever do in this life. I am so grateful and humble to be a part of His eternal plan with my family.

Ireland….Our Tender Mercy

Just Laugh….

This picture is exactly how I felt when I woke up…
Sometimes you just have to laugh so that you don't cry!

Today I woke up in a huge flare. I had the worst migraine and lung pain. I could not wait to see my chiro. today. I knew I over-did the past few days and today I would have to pay the price.

Paying the price for doing normal  everyday things is really hard for me to understand. I try so hard to not over-do but  trying to chang the person you used to be can be very difficult.

I really appreciated my mom who came and took me to the docs today. I was unable to drive due to the blurred vision, pain, and nausea. I was so thankful that my headache started to dissipate  after my two adjustments. It took about 8 hours before I finally felt a turn around from this flare.

I am also thankful for a daughter who brought over dinner tonight for our family It was so nice to give my hubby a break from making dinner.

How grateful we are for our family and the love they show us on days when we really need it.

Today I found gratitude for:
1. Family and laughter
2. Delicious soup from my daughter that helped my nausea.
3. My mom who helped me get me and my daughter where we needed to be.
4. My husbands hands who massaged my sore neck.
5. Love and concern from my visiting teachers.

"Just Strollin"

Today was a beautiful sunny day. It was so nice to see so much sunshine today! I went to my two doc appointments today. After getting home I started to tank big time. I knew I had used all my spoons for the day and was starting into a flare-up.

My grand-baby came over and I was so excited to give her a ride in the new umbrella stroller I bought for her. We bought this so that I can still move her without having to carry her. She is almost 17lbs. and I seem to really push myself when I carry her around. I was so happy to see how much she loved having me push her in the house. I had to prove to my family that I can still watch her when they need me to without putting me into a flare. Having this stroller will really help me be the Grandma I want to be.

Ireland made my day today and these pictures prove it:

Today I found gratitude in:

1. Sunshine

2. Watching Landee laugh and giggle in her new stroller

3. Spending time with my hubby

4. Epson bath salts that helped my pain

5. My teens who remind me that I don't have to do it all

He'll Carry You

I know we all suffer with our own trials and challenges.  No one is immune from them. We are all sent here to this earth to see how we are going to endure the heartaches we must face.

From my own trials I have learned just how important it is to not try and carry the heavy load all by myself. When I have tried to go it alone I seem to fall flat on my face and realize just how weak I really am.  I have learned over the course of my life and continue to learn just how important it is to turn my burdens over to the Savior and allow him to carry me.

I found this song/video this morning that beautifully reminds us to let Him carry you.

http://youtu.be/HCVT88Dz_CM

Today I found gratitude in:

1. My Savior

2. Prayer

3. My testimony

4. Music that helps me feel the spirit

5. Music that helps me know I am not alone.

Finding Joy in Simple Things

Today I woke up with a good amount of energy. So happy to finally have a good day with my family. We did some housework and worked on projects together. I was tanked by around noon. But so thankful to have so much energy with them this morning.

I also did not even have to go to my chiro today, like last weekend. Today was just a normal, plain, boring old day, but so thankful to be able to do just enjoy a normal day with them today.

My grand baby came for a visit, and we played together. I can't believe how much she brightens my day. What a beautiful day it was today!

So today I found gratitude in simple things
1. Being able to fold a batch of laundry
2. Being able to make breakfast with my hubby
3. Being able to enjoy the sunshine with my family
4. Being able to watch movies and feel good
5. Watching my kids grow and develop into loving and caring people.

Knowledge is Power

Last week I saw a  rheumatologist  from the U of U. My internal medicine doc referred me to have some additional symptoms checked out to see if the Sarcs were spreading. He told me that the U of U team of specialist would be the best place in Utah. I told him how hard it has been to find docs that really know about how to help Sarcs.  He wrote a referral to the docs and they were able to get me in within 2 weeks rather than having to wait the 6 months if I had made the appointment on my own.

 First the specialist wanted to check to make sure I did not have Lupus. She did this because Lupus symptoms are very similar to Sarcoidosis. Besides my daily lungs and lymph pain, I have been having   additional symptoms the past few months; pain in my hands and fingers, breathing attacks, severe headaches, and swollen glands in my neck.

At the appointments we did many tests and x-rays and she referred me to a neurologist to see if the sarcs have spread to my brain or nervous system. I already have been waiting to see a pulmonologist  at the U of U to have my breathing tests and CT scans done in March to see where my lungs are at.  She wants the lung doc to the handle the main treatment.

She called last night and good news…I do not have Lupus. I was really grateful when I heard this news. Once you have Sarcs you are really prone to having other auto-immune diseases. So happy I am just given one disease to deal with. The only thing that she was concerned slightly about was the fact that the x-ray showed the beginning of skeletal granulomas, which is basically the beginning of bone sarcoidosis.

She was not overly concerned about it so I won't be either. She told me that since the majority of the sarcs are in my lungs and lymph system that the pulmonologist will be the main doc handling treatment and what ever you take for that should help the bone sarcs as well.

The frustrating thing from my previous lung doc experience is that they just want to prescribe steroids, which has proven in the past to make me worse. But I am open to seeing a new pulmonologist in March at the U of U. I have been waiting to get in to her for a couple months. She is supposed to specialize in Sarcs. Hopefully she will have other ideas than steroids and cancer drugs that just suppress my immune system. If not I will just continue on this chiro path which seems to be working now and use the U of U docs for diagnosis and tracking of this disease.

So today I found gratitude in:
1. Not having more than one auto-immune disease
2. Knowing that knowledge is power in regards to knowing where the sarcs are in my body
3. Sunshine that made me just feel excited for spring to come
4. Knowing that baseball and lacrosse are just around the corner for my two teens..can't wait to watch them play what they love to do
5. So excited to take a deep breath of clean air today….Thank goodness for no inversion today!

Happy 5 Months Landee

Today is my darling little grand-daughters 5-month birthday.  I cannot believe how fast the time has gone by since she was born. She is our little chunky monkey. She is so full of love and so much fun for all of us. She is starting to eat sweet potatoes and loving every minute of it. My favorite thing is when she smiles a mile wide when I see her for the first time each day. I seriously am addicted to this little girl. She is truly what makes my world go around. She lifts my pain and takes away any burdens that I have. I am so extremely grateful for this little one!

The 5 things I am grateful for today are:

1. Kissable Cheeks

 Can't ever seem to stop kissing those kissable cheeks

2. Snuggles with Landee

Favorite part of my day is when she falls asleep in my arms and snuggles me! 

Love… Love…. Love it!

I really have never went more than one day without seeing her. I am so thankful for my daughter and my patient son-in-law who constantly bring her over to our house so that I can spend time with her. She really brightens my day and I am so excited for summer to be able to play with her outside in the pool.

She absolutely loves water and cries each time you take her out of her bath. She is definitely a little swimmer like her mommy, daddy, and now auntie. I hope she has a little bit of a diver in her like her grandma… haha….she will if I have anything to do or say with it! She does have my name for her middle name so maybe she will be a swimmer/diver. It is just so fun to try and think what she will grow up to be.  I am so excited to watch and be a part of every minute of that.

3. Smiles and giggles from Landee

Landee loved the Easter decorations we put up today. Of course we had to buy new ones just for her!! 

4. Being a big part of her life as she grows up

Already loving books!

Look at the belly… such a cute chunky monkey!

Sitting up and feeling so proud

5. Watching your daughter be such an amazing mother to your grand baby! Best gift EVER!

Kaylee with her baby Landee eating sweet potatoes and loving it!

BE RICH…..

My sweetheart has been off work for the past three days. Each day he continues, without complaint to take me to my doctors appointments. It takes the majority of the day due to travel and wait times in between appointments. I do not know how I could do this without him.

I really want to drive myself to these appointments but my family will not let me until I get stronger my health improves. THey will allow me to drive small distances like within 3-5 minutes away but not long distances yet. Somedays I feel such a burden on my family but then they remind me just how much they love me and that they are just paying me back for the many years I have taken care of them.

I think one of the hardest thing for me was to come to the realization that you can't take care of everyone like you used to. I am now seeing first hand how to accept help and not be the one helping. It has also been challenging for my family to have to step into a new role of caregiver and caretaker. I know it is so draining on them and I really try to not make things any more difficult than they need to be.

My personality was a do-it-all, 24-7 type person. I loved doing everything for everyone. Serving others made me happy and was simple and fun for me. Not being able to do this has really been a struggle. Watching my family learn to take over what I used to do has been hard for me to let go. But by allowing them to do this I have seen them soften, grow, and gain blessings that they might not have had if I had continued to do it. My life has been so richly blessed by having them by my side through it all.

Today before the kids left for school, the challenge was to "BE RICH".  My hubby came up with this one for todays family challenge. He did not explain what it meant to the kids but only said, it does not mean to "BE RICH" in monetary terms. But instead he told them to think about what makes them rich.

As I have thought about that today I have found gratitude in being rich in the following ways;
1. I am richly blessed with love and support from an amazing family
2. I am rich because I can read and learn from the scriptures and pray to my Father in Heaven anytime.
3. I am richly blessed with the ability to inspire others as I endure this trial
4. I am rich in terms of my bodies ability to walk, think, and learn.
5. I am rich because I have the Savior who continually strengthens me through this trial and who carries   me in my most difficult days.

Never Give Up, Never Surrender

This is week two of double doctors appointments daily. Wow that is a tongue twister. I am so thankful that I have found this health and wellness clinic that is so dedicated to my health. It is so refreshing to have a clinic that actually has an interest in not suppressing my immune system but rather trying to find ways to normalize it.

Sarcoidosis is an auto-immune disease, which means your immune system is in over-drive and is attacking itself. Because there is no cure for this disease, western medicine wants to suppress it through the use of steroids and other immuno-suppessents. Many people do not do well and even get worse while on these drugs, like I did. So we have had to continue to search for answers to help us in finding something that will put this disease into remission.

It can be a very long and treacherous road trying to find something that works. But one thing I know for sure I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!! I WILL NOT SURRENDER TO THIS DISEASE. I am determined to find a cure or at least something that will put me into remission.

FInding this wellness clinic is just another step in the right direction for me. I am having more better days than I did before. I know that this will be a long journey and not a sprint.  I know I must be patient as we search and seek out a cure.

Today I found gratitude in:
1. My hubby who never complains when he has to use his days off work to take me to my two appointments daily.
2. The temporary relief I found after my appointments today
3.  FAMILY who I can always count on to be by my side.
4. A Phone call from family who offered support and encouragement to never give up
5. Knowing and having a firm resolution that I must never give up or surrender to this disease.

Never take things for granite again!

Today I went in to see my chiropractor for my double adjustment. I would have to say I was still feeling pretty rough until after the two adjustments. My breathing and my energy level increased. I was afraid that I would want to over-do but my hubby took me quickly home to rest up. I did what he required of me and felt even better by late afternoon.

By enjoying when I feel good and not allowing myself to overdo I was then able to go out to dinner with my family for the first time in a very long time. It was like I was being let out of a cage. I totally loved being able to eat food that was acutely gluten, dairy, and egg free. They chose HuHot a Mongolian restaurant that was perfect for what I could eat. I loved the food but the best things was not feeling left out of having fun with my family today.

For so many years I took the simple thing as going out to dinner with my family for granite. I now treasure every moment I can spend with them and try to enjoy life to the fullest.

Today I am grateful for:
1. Warm weather that helped me to not flare.
2. The ability to breathe better.
3. Increased energy that actually lasted into the late afternoon.
4. Being able to go out to dinner with my family.
5 The opportunity to recognize how important it is to love life and never take it for granite again.

Day 3 of Healing Crisis

Once again I woke up with my body in full flare mode. I once again went in to see my chiropractor even though it was Sunday morning. She explained more about what a healing crisis was. She also explained that when I feel good after her double daily adjustments that I need to just ENJOY feeling good and not over-do and put by body in full flare mode.

I promised her I would remember this and try to just enjoy feeing good and tell my family to sit on me if I try and over-do.

I am learning if I over-do today then I will definitely pay for it tomorrow.

Today I found gratitude in:
1. My teenage son, J'Dee who lost sleep and took me to my chiropractor early this morning.
2. My teenage daughter, Shaniah who made sure I had water or food whenever I needed it.
3. My hubby who called from work about 8 times to check on me and even came home once for a visit.
4. The opportunity I had to show the Spoon Theory video to all of my children and for them to really care and understand it.
5. Having dinner with all of my family and just enjoying talking and laughing with them today.

Day 2 of Healing Crisis

Today was day 2 of what my chiropractor called a healing crisis. Last night I started one of my flares along with this healing crisis.  This was why I was so violently sick and in such a great deal of pain.

A healing crisis is your body's response to healing and has many different side effects. I had to google some information on what a healing crisis was because I have never experienced one before. Here is a link with some information on what a healing crisis is and how it is actually a good thing to go through on your road to better health.

http://www.undergroundhealth.com/healing-crisis-when-its-good-to-feel-bad/

I spent most of the day in bed due to my flare and this healing crisis. I started to gain some of my strength back by the end of the day, especially after my grand baby came for a brief visit.

Today I found gratitude in:
1. The internet/Google that helped me to quickly understand what my body was going through.
2. My children who would not allow me to do anything today but stay in bed and recover
3. The stories of Olympians on TV which inspired me to make it through this rough day.
4. My chiropractor who continued to monitor my health even over her weekend.
5. Once again my sweet grand baby who came for a surprise visit to brighten my day today.

What A Valentines Day!!!!

It was Valentines today and since starting this two a day chiropractic appointments I have found myself able to breathe better which has led to increased energy the past couple of days. I was super excited to wake up early this morning and make a special Valentines breakfast for my family to show them how much I love them.

I made baked eggs, bacon, and homemade pink heart shape pancakes. I was super proud of myself as I felt I was able to do something that I used to do. After my hubby and kids were off to work and school, I began to clean up the mess. By 9:00 am I was struggling to get my air and was completely physically exhausted. I was so frustrated with myself for using all of my energy or spoons (see last Sunday's post to understand what I mean by spoons) by doing this one simple task. I fell into bed and passed out from exhaustion. I did not even feel like I could muster the strength to go to my two Drs. appointments today, but I knew I needed to go no mater how exhausted I was.

I drug myself out of bed and felt my headache beginning along with pain and pressure in my lungs. My daughter drove me to my appointments today and as we were on our way home my headache continued to get worse and my energy was depleted. The baby was asleep so I told my daughter to drop me off at home and I would watch the baby sleep while she ran a quick errand. The baby woke up right after she left and was very fussy due to teething pain. I tried my best to console her but nothing seemed to work unless I was up walking and bouncing her. Although this was difficult for me physically  I really enjoyed loving and spending time with her no matter how I felt.

I tried to conserve what little energy I had for Valentines night, but my 6:00 that night my head was on fire and I was so nauseated from the pain. My family told me to call my Dr. and ask what I should do. My Dr. suggested I come to her house right away. Once I got there she told me my neck was completely locked up. She felt swollen lymph nodes and arthritis in my neck. She was able to adjust the neck and told me to go home and rest.

On the way home my pain continued to increase and my nausea was worsening. My sweet hubby picked up our Valentines dinner on the way home. I was unable to eat it  because once we got home I began throwing up.

My sweet daughters were by my side in my bed, massaging my head, doing pressure points,  holding the bowl and my hair back when I needed to throw up. My hubby gave me a comfort blessing and then when my son-in-law arrived the gave me a blessing for the sick. I felt such relief and comfort after the blessing. It took about 20 minutes after the blessing and by 11:30 I was finally able to go to sleep.

The best part of that night was when my daughters were on both sides of me in my bed and Shaniah said, "Boy this is the best Valentines ever!" We all laughed as they were both trying to eat their Valentines meal while I was puking in the bowl.  I will never forget their love that they showed to me by not leaving my side in my most difficult time.

Tonight I realized that sometimes you just have to laugh during difficult times so that you don't cry!

Today I found gratitude for
1. Strong, loving, & caring daughters who never left my side in my most difficult times.
2. Priesthood blessings.
3. Husband who was patient and caring and who would do anything to get me out of pain.
4. Laughter that helped me not to cry today.
5 My SPECIAL LITTLE VALENTINE!  Ireland who showed me so much Landee Love today!

Lacrosse Girl

Today I was able to make a slideshow for my daughter Shaniah to celebrate her making the Utah Mamaci Lacrosse team. She recently completed 8 hours of tryouts and found out last night she made the team. She was super excited so I wanted to surprise her with a small video of some of her best pictures from her past lacrosse season.

http://youtu.be/DiRsduiohl8

I am grateful for the following five things today:
1. Opportunities for children to grow and develop both physically and spiritually.
2. Making videos and sharing them with my loved ones.
3. The blessing of watching and spending time with my grand baby today.
4. My new handicapped parking pass that saved my energy going to three doctors appointments today.
5. Just spending time with the ones I love.

Feeling Exhilarated

Today was day two of having two adjustments on my neck. Once again a felt exhilarated and could finally breathe better. These feeling lasted for two hours today. My hope is that this will continue to get better and better.

I have tried to give challenges to my kids each day before going off to school. I am taking these challenges as well and doing theses things have really helped me find Peace in the Process.

This week so far the challenges have been:

Monday: Smile, Smile, smile, no matter what you are going through just smile….
Tuesday: Unload your backpack of rocks that you are carrying around.. Repent and unload.
Wednesday: BE Happy. Always stay happy and you will make it through anything.


I found gratitude for these 5 things today:

1. Grateful for the ability to take a full breath today
2. Grateful for the energy and exhilaration that came from nerve adjustments I had.
3. Grateful for family support and help in this daily process
4. So thankful for the happiness of a teenage daughter  who made the Utah Mamacai Lacrosse team.
5. Grateful for the blessings of  donations that came on a day when we really needed it.

LIFE IS GREAT… I CAN DO THIS!

Today was the first day I felt a twinge of what I used to feel like….

After meeting with Dr. Stitcher today we learned many things:
We learned that my neck injury happened about 6 years ago which has led to my neck being 14 degrees from normal. My mid and lower back have also had to compensate in order to accommodate from this injury. Over the years my body has tried to adjust the best it could due to the nerve damage that was occurring. And because this has been going on for so many years we learned that it has started the disease process… Sarcoidosis.

She then explained that your nervous system controls everything in your body. When that is not working properly systems start to fail and after years of systems not working correctly, disease sets in.

After reviewing all my results she was hopeful that she would be able to help me, but it would take a great deal of time and sacrifice on my part. She said it would take 6 months to a year to get things where they need to be. She was honest with me and did not want me to get my hopes up that I would be healed in a week or two.

To start this course she set up an intensive program for me to come in twice a day for four weeks. After these intensive four weeks then we will re-do all the tests and see if we need to continue two times a day or see if once a day would be sufficient.

I have to admit that this schedule sounded so overwhelming for me, but with the support of my daughter and husband by my side it made my decision a bit easier.

I was so worried of overburdening my loved ones in order to commit to this schedule because I would have to depend on them to take me to these appointments each day. Her office is 30 minutes away from my home and I would have to rely on someone to take me to all of these appointments.

Although I was hesitant at first, it wasn't until my daughter broke down into tears and said, "We just want our mother back," was when I knew I needed to do whatever it would take to start this healing process.

I committed both physically, mentally, and emotionally to this process in order to get my life back both for myself and my family no matter what it would take. I would be in it for the long haul and would have my family by my side to get through it all.

I had my first two adjustments today. After the second adjustment I felt energy and was able to take a full breath of air for the first time in months. Today I felt a twinge of what I used to feel like and boy was it great to finally feel that way again. Although it only lasted for an hour it was just great to remember what I used to feel like.

Today I found gratitude in:
1. Having a husband who is willing to do anything to get me better.
2. A daughter who inspired me by saying,  " We just want our mother back".
3. A specialist who instilled a hope in healing for me today.
4. A family who loves me and stands by my side no matter what.
5. My little grand baby who shared her slobbery wet kisses with me today.

LIFE IS GREAT!

 I CAN DO THIS!

The Beginning of New Things….

Today I had my first appointment with a Wellness Chiropractor, Dr. Kristina Stitcher. She travels all over the United States teaching her methods to Universities. My daughter and her baby have been going to her for the past couple months with their own conditions. It was at one of those appointments last week that she found out I had an auto-immune disease and then told me how she could help.

Today was my first appointment and I went through many different tests, scans, and x-rays today. She examined my neck and could feel where the problems lie. She said that my C1 vertebrae was shifted to the right and the C2 vertebrae was shifted to the left. Thus pinching many nerves and making a very small opening for my spinal cord to go through. She told me my brain and body were not speaking correctly to one another.

She then did a physical evaluation of how the nerves in my body were functioning. I did great with the nerves in the lower part of my body but in the upper part of my body I failed. One of the tests that I failed miserably was when I had to close my eyes and walk one foot in front of the other for about four steps. Sounded simple enough but as soon as I shut my eyes I felt as if I was twirling in a circle. I could not even take one step without almost falling. The doctor stood right by my side and was there to catch me as I stumbled. She said she suspected this was going to happen due to her physical evaluation. She then had me do a balance test. She had me evenly distribute my weight onto two scales placed side by side. She had me look straight ahead. My weight on my left side was 14 lbs. heavier then my right.

After other evaluations she asked me if I was prepared to do what it would take get my spine aligned and get my nerves functioning properly. She told me that having theses nerves pinched for so long effects so many issues in your body from; immune system function, hormonal imbalances, thyroid issues, and many others (many of which I have currently). She explained that having these issues for years will lead your body into a disease state. I asked if we can cure the Sarcs. She said she is not promising to heal this disease but can give my body backs its ability to heal itself, once all the nerves are functioning properly.

She told me to come back tomorrow and discuss all the results from the tests before she would start treatment. I felt hopeful and looked forward to coming back to learn more.

This will be the first day of sharing my gratitude journal on my blog. I have decided to add 5 things each day that I am grateful for to help me continue to Find Peace in this Process.

Today I am grateful for: 
1. Fasting and prayers that led me to find Dr. Kristina Stitcher.
2. Chiropractors who give you hope in getting better.
3. Husband who keeps me laughing when things get tough.
4. Love and support from my children.
5. Parents who so willingly want to help any way they can.

To all my Family and Friends….The Spoon Theory

FAMILY AND FRIENDS:

I am so excited to share this video I found entitled "The Spoon Theory".  Please take the time to watch this video as this is exactly how I feel on a daily basis. My hope is that it will explain and demonstrate why I have to limit so much of myself now. I know it has helped my immediate family understand my disease a little better. 

Having Sarcoidosis is a learning process for all of us. Watching this video has helped us better understand how to make it through this together. My family now asks, How many spoons do you have today? instead of, How are you feeling today? It really helps to focus on what I can do and not so much on what I can't.

It has been so difficult for me to understand how to SLOW DOWN and how to save up each day for what is most important. My family means everything to me and I want to do everything and be everywhere for them each day, but I am learning if I do this I can put myself in a flare and be down for several days or even a week. 

This video is to intended to not only help a person suffering with a chronic illness, but also for their friends and family as well. It explains what its like to live with a disease on a daily basis by using spoons. 

THE SPOON THEORY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jn5IBsm49Rk

Landee's Love at 4 months old

Landee is four months old. She is the highlight of my life. She bring so much joy and happiness into our lives. I was able to watch her for a couple hours today. She laid by the side of me and played, napped in my arms, and gave me slobbery kisses (which I love).

I have been taking pictures of  Landee for the past week. I was able to choose my favorites  and put them into a little slide show. I am so thankful for her love that brightens all of our lives.

This slideshow says it all…..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vP59-I9fi00

Want to Start A local Support Group...

Service is the key to getting through trials. Everyone can serve someone somehow. For years I have been blessed to be able to serve in my church. Since this illness this is one area I have not been able to serve in. I have really missed not serving others, but have found great joy in serving my family and friends in even the most simplest of ways.

This morning I thought my day would consist of resting and taking care of myself in order to avoid another flare up caused from yesterdays events. As I was getting ready for the day I could not get a neighbor off of my mind. She has been going through her own set of health challenges and I wanted to visit her. I wanted to take something to her but knew if I baked something then I would be left with no strength for a visit so instead I found some mangos and pineapple and cut them up on a plate and took them to her.

I then proceeded to visit her and enjoyed it immensely. We were able to share our experiences. It was therapeutic for me to be able to visit someone and brighten their day. It was nice to reach out to someone else that is struggling and in return she lightened my own load today. **I would really like to start a sarcoidosis support group. (See below)

After I returned home, my daughter called me from school and was not feeling well. Once I brought her home to rest, my older daughter called and needed to talk, then my mom called me to share her stressful events of the day.

I am grateful that I am available to serve in small and simple ways. I am realizing just how important it is to be available for others whenever they need it. Sometimes just being there for others and listening to them is just what they need, and sometimes that's just what you needed as well!

**Sarcoidosis is so rare that I do not know one person in Utah that has it. I would love to start a support group if anyone who reads this blog knows someone locally who has it. Please reach out to me by e-mail: staciefuller@ymail.com and let me know if you or someone you know is interested in joining  a support group for Sarcoidosis.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY C'JAY

Twenty Fours years ago today I gave birth to my first 6 lb. 9 oz. handsome baby boy! What a thrill it was to become a mother for the first time. What a joy he brought into our lives. My hubby and I were finally parents and boy were we excited to finally begin our eternal family.

I can't believe its been 24 years since he was born. He seems like just yesterday I was holding him in my arms and playing with him. It's true what everyone was telling me back then… To enjoy every little moment with them when their a baby, because they grow up so fast and you can never get those moments back.

I am so grateful for my son C'Jay. He has been such an amazing example to us. He has always been such a great leader. He is the comedian of the family and can always find a way to make us laugh even in the most difficult of times. I have really appreciated his willingness to be obedient. I know he has had his struggles and challenges , like we all do, but I have watched him overcome these obstacles and be a shining example to his family.

For his birthday I wanted to make it special for him by making his favorite meal. We made homemade Cafe Rio pork burritos and homemade cheesecake. I thought I would be able to have the health to accomplish this task alone, but my daughter knew better and came over early this morning and helped me make this special birthday feast. I do not know what I would do without her help. I know I need to make things simpler next time so we both don't wear ourselves completely out. I just really wanted to make my son's birthday special. He really appreciated the meal but his favorite things was this short video I made for him. What a great night we had celebrating his birthday as a family.

Happy Birthday C'Jay, I love you and I am so proud of the man you are becoming! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jDdCha0l_g&list=UUM0fXJws05ek_vhbTcSXY7g&feature=c4-overview

Answers Come When Least Expected...

Although I was in another painful flare, I was needed today by my daughter to help her go see the chiropractor for both her and her baby. She wanted to cancel because I was not feeling well, but I told her I was coming to help her no matter what. I am so grateful that I did because of what I experienced today.

 I held my grand baby while the chiropractor was explaining to my daughter about her x-rays and scans. She explained how the nerves in the spinal cord can get pinched in the neck and back causing pain and if left untreated for years, can lead to disease. I listened intently and wanted to ask the doctor some questions after my daughters appointment.

After her appointment I causally asked if there is anything they can do for people who already have  diseases. I asked and boy, did I ever get an answer! She  asked what disease I had. After I told her she went on and on about things that even some of the specialists I have seen did not even know. She looked me square into the eye and said "I have to be honest with you. It might take a lot of work, and I might need to see you every other day or even daily, depending on your X-rays and scans but I do know that I have helped a great deal of people that have auto-immue diseases!"

 While she was speaking, our family's fast entered my mind. I knew coming here today was another answer to our fast. She said she is hard to get into and that it might take 2-3 weeks. But when we went to make an appointment, they were able to fit me in for next Monday.

I was so thankful for answers to our prayers and fasting today and I know that this is just another forward step in the process of finding something to help put this disease into remission. I have learned today that answers come in ways when we least expect them to.  I am anxious to see what she can do to help me on my way to healing!

Quest for an Eternal Family Someday

Tonight I read a talk entitled,  Mountains to Climb, from April 2012, General Conference. It was such a good reminder to me to remember that if we have faith in Jesus Christ the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing.

As I read this talk, I was reminded about a very special prayer that I had in the spring of 2012. I was in school full time and my hubby was working swing shift full time. Our two teens, ages 14 and 16 at the time were struggling. I remember pleading with the Lord one night to help us with our teens during these crucial teenage years. I remember in that prayer promising that I would do whatever it would take to help them get through their difficult teenage years. I felt such an overwhelming peace during this prayer and knew somehow they would be answered.

Life went on and in the fall of 2012, I started my student teaching. By November the pain from this disease started. Each month I continued to get worse until finally I was diagnosed in March of 2013 with Sarcoidosis.

In the fall of 2013 I was reminded of that prayer that happened over a year and a half ago.  I was saying my prayers one night. I remember asking the Lord why I had to endure this disease and asking what I needed to learn or gain from this trial. After my prayer, the answer to my question came so vividly to my mind.  My prayer from a over a year ago entered my mind. I knew then that this trial was not just for me but for my teens as well. This trial would not only challenge me but also humble, teach, and testify to my children as they endure this challenge with me. I was so overcome and so grateful that the Lord has heard and answered my prayer. This experience gave me the courage I needed to conquer this obstacle and go forward with faith in order to help strengthen myself and also my children.

As the months have continued to go by and I have watched this challenge become a family obstacle, it has been apparent just how much this illness has effected all of us, especially my teens. It is definitely a work in progress as they have had to pray, fast, serve, and be patient with this process. We have had many ups and downs but when you look at the big picture over the past few months, I am seeing growth. It might be slow and steady, but nevertheless it is growth in the right direction.

I never would have imagined that having this illness would be for both my good as well as for the good of my family. I meant what I prayed for many months ago and will continue to go through whatever it takes in order to help my teens endure these difficult years. I know days are difficult but I know that the Lord will never give me or my family more than we can handle. I know we are all preparing to become an eternal family some day. I know as we work together to get through this trial we will become stronger both spiritually and physically. This challenge is just another mountain to climb on our quest to becoming an Eternal Family someday.

Divine Callings

Sometime the Lord answers prayers in the way we need it and not always in the way we want it. I know the Lord wants up to be happy. He wants us to accomplish the things that will make us the happiest in life. The Lord has a plan for each of us and will make much more out of our lives than we ever can by ourselves. If we allow the Lord to guide and bless our lives I know we will live life to its fullest and enjoy all the blessings intended for us.

After yesterday's fast I can already see answers to prayers in the lives of our family. Although they might be small  at first I know that this is just the beginning to finding true happiness.

Today I held my grand baby as she sleep in my arms for 45 minutes. I fell asleep for about 10 minutes while holding her and had a dream about teaching school. I loved teaching and have really missed that. When I woke up I felt saddened about having to leave that portion of my life behind. No sooner did that feeling enter my body then I looked down at my sweet granddaughter and felt this overwhelming feeling of love, joy, and gratitude for this sweet spirit. I realized just how important I am in the life of her and the many other grandchildren who will be joining our family over the next few years. How thankful I was for her and my own special children that I have been entrusted to raise.

During this experience I felt that my most important job would be with in the wall of this home. By being the best wife, mother, and grandmother was where the Lord wanted me and where I was needed most. I knew that my family would struggle and would need my love and support each day to get through their own challenges. I committed just then to save every ounce of energy I had in order to help them each day.  In the eternal perspective family is the most important thing in this world and the only thing, besides your mind, that you can have in the world to come.  How thankful I am for such an amazing experience today.

Later that day I felt a prompting to write a note to my son who had a really rough day today. I left it on his pillow with some of his favorite candy. When he got home I went in to tell him goodnight and he had just read my note and he was kneeling by his bed in tears. We held each other and I cried with him. I told him life is hard but I know he will get through this. We talked for awhile and I told him trials believe it or not, will make you stronger, although right now you might feel weak. I told him to lean on his family and on the Lord and he will make it through.

I was so grateful for this tiny prompting today. I knew that my son needed my love and support in his way and the Lord let me know how to show him that. I am so thankful for the opportunity I have to be a wife, mother, and grandmother. These are truly divine callings from the Lord.

Friends Come and Go…but Family is Forever!

Today we started out with a family prayer for our family fast. I was so grateful for all of their willingness to fast in my behalf as well as for each other. I felt such an overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude both from my family as well as from the Lord today.

My older kids and grand baby came over all day today. We all went to sacrament meeting together and just enjoyed spending the day together. Family is everything and I have always told my kids that friends will come and go but family is forever. Today was a glimpse of what being together forever will feel like and I LOVED IT!

Nothing better then to surround yourself with the ones you love to help you get through lives little challenges that are thrown at you. Life seem a whole lot brighter when you have special people in your life to share it with.

Trials of Faith...

WOW has the time flown by this year already. Can you believe it is already February? I am excited for tomorrow. We are having a special family fast to help our family. This illness has not only effected me but my entire family as well. We are all working and learning how to get through this trial together.

Last Sunday, after our big family breakdown, we decided it would be a good idea to have a special family fast.  Because everyone is going through their own set of difficulties we all agreed that we needed additional strength from the Lord to help us get through it all.

Tonight before bed my hubby and I read a conference talk "Trials of your Faith" by Elder Neil L. Anderson. I have been reading and pondering this talk the past few night and tonight I shared it with my hubby.
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/trial-of-your-faith?lang=eng#watch=video

We decided to send a reminder text to all of our children about our special family fast. We attached this link to the talk on "Trials of your Faith" and challenged them to read or watch the talk to begin their fast.

In this talk Elder Anderson states that, "Fiery Trials are designed to make you stronger, but they have the potential to diminish or even destroy your trust in the Son of God and to weaken your resolve to keep your promises to Him. These trials are often camouflaged, making them difficult to identify. These take root in our weaknesses, our vulnerabilities, our sensitivities, or in those things that matter most to us."
Elder Anderson then went on to explain how to not let our trials weaken us spiritually but rather  how to make us stronger and closer to Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ.

Our hope is that our family will not let these trials diminish or destroy their faith. Our prayer is that our family will be strengthened as we work together with the Lord to make us stronger.