Today was a very difficult day for me. This past week has been a very difficult one. I felt strength beyond my own this week as I tried to spend the last few days with my grandma as she passed on from this life to the next. My heart broke knowing that I would not be able to see her at her home or be able to deliver the 12 days of Christmas to her this year. I am the oldest granddaughter and have created such a closeness with her ever since I was little.
Over the past few months as I have been sick, I have tried to keep my struggles away from her. I did not want her to worry about me. As my grandma she somehow knew and could see it on my face no matter how much I told her I was doing just fine.
I was awake most of the night. I had a great deal of pain and was in and out of sleep from 1:00 am until 4:00 am. At 4:00 am my sweet hubby tried to ease my pain through massage but it only made it worse. The pain was so intense I could not lie down on my lungs, front or back, and thought I would try a hot bath with epson salt and baking soda to help ease my pain. As I entered the tub I found myself thinking about my grandma. My heart ached as I mourned her loss. I started to cry. I tried to hold back the tears and take deep breaths. I knew if I didn't then I would set off another breathing attack. I tried hard to not cry but my heart ached so deeply for my grandma that I could not help but let it out.
Next thing I knew my hubby was right by side holding my hand helping me get through once again another breathing attack. But this time not only was my hubby there but I felt my grandma along with my grandpa with me as well. The spirit of their presence was so strong in the room that my husband could feel it as well. The impressions that I felt were that my grandma could not be with me when she was on earth to help, but now she and my grandpa together would be my guardian angel and help me through this illness. I knew at this time that she would not only be there for me but for all the grandchildren as well. As my husband and I basked in the warmth of their presence we felt their happiness being together again and we reminisced about the love my grandparents had with one another and hoped to have that same love as we grow old together.
I felt such peace and strength through this experience and know that she will be by my side for the rest of my life. This also made me realize just how thin the veil is and how really close we are to our loved ones on the other side. I am so grateful for my grandma and the many wonderful things she taught me. I am so thankful for the knowledge I have of life after death and knowing that our loved ones are not far away helps me feel peace and strength throughout this process.
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