It wasn't until the ride home that the tears came and the strong willed person started to crumble into a humble submissive child once again. I finally started to share with my mom the events of yesterday. I told her how sad it made me to find out one more thing that I couldn't do again. I thought for sure I was ready for that. I poured my heart out to her as I relived yesterday. I told her that I would not tell my family just how much pain I was in or how bad I felt. I just kept pushing hoping to beat the bad flare that I had brought on myself by overdoing and fasting. I told her that I knew it was selfish of me but I told her that I just didn't want to stop trying to do the things I used to do. I told her that how was I supposed to know that I can't do them unless I try!
Although it was very tough admitting another thing I could not do, I did however come home and work on my visiting teaching supervisor calling. As I called the sisters on my list to check on them and get their visiting teaching reports, I found myself on the phone with a dear sister who has been struggling with her own health challenges. I have been friends with her over the course of her illness and have tried to be there for her as much as I could.
Today when we spoke on the phone she admitted to me that she was unable to do her visiting teaching due to her illness. I told her I totally understood just how she felt and that it was just fine. I told her there is a time and season for everything. I shared with her my experience of trying to teach primary yesterday and just how hard it is to not be able to do something that you really wanted to do. We both related to one another today and found peace in knowing we were not alone in our struggles. I reminded her just how important it is to focus on what we can do and not on what we can't. (Now I just need to remember my own advise) haha!
It is funny but her and I were a lot a like before getting ill. We both were the do-it-all type of personality. We involved ourselves in everything and tried to help anyone we could. I told her I think that these health trials are the way the Lord is trying to slow us down and give others a chance to serve.
Today my mom also gave me some wonderful advise. She told me of another woman in her ward that has been struggling with her own difficulties. They were talking about trials and said how the Lord gives us these challenges so that we can become sanctified. I wanted to learn more about sanctification so I found this definition:
"Sanctification is a process and gift from God which makes every willing member holy. In the scriptural canon of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints one reference to sanctification is given in the following Book of Mormon scripture: Helaman 3:35, "Nevertheless they did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God."
After reading this I knew that every challenge we face in this live is sanctifying us. It is preparing us to become better and more holy than we ever could without these trials. I know that if we yield our hearts fully to God, He will bless and sanctify each of us in whatever trials or hardships we will face.
Elder Jefferey R Hollland said: "Sanctify yourselves today for the Lord will do wonders tomorrow!
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