Since I became sick it has been really hard on some days to make it to church when I feel so sick or are in a lot of pain. My hubby works for church security and works several Sundays each month. My teens have had a hard time going to church alone as they are trying to develop their own testimony and it has been difficult trying to go it alone when I or my hubby aren't able to go.
I have tried really hard these past few months to make it to church so that I can be there for my kids. Even if it causes me to flare for a few days. I pray so hard for the strength to be able to make it each week. I usually can not make it the entire three hours before flaring up in a great deal of pain. My kids can see my pain no matter how hard I try to hide it and they are always so good to make sure I get home when I need to.
My daughter and I went to the temple yesterday and I had the opportunity to put my childrens' names in the temple. I knew at this visit that I must love them unconditionally no matter what choices they make and remember that the Lord is the master in control and is giving them these trials for their own spiritual growth. I knew that I must allow my kids to struggle and just love and pray for them.
When I woke up Sunday morning my son told me he was going shooting with some friends today. Although I was disappointed at his decision I was reminded of my temple visit yesterday. I knew that I must not get angry or make him feel guilty. I knew that I must continue to show love for him and pray for him. I know he was testing me to see what I was going to do. He is 18 almost 19 and was expressing his own independence. He did tell me he would be back for church. I told him that I loved him and he could see that I felt sad. He came over and gave me a hug and he told me not to feel bad. I just told him I loved him and that I was worried about him. He left for shooting and I said goodbye and told him to be very careful.
Later I called my son about 45 minutes before church was going to start, as he had told me he was going to be back for church. I asked him if he was on his way home. He told me they had to go farther than was planned and he would not make it back. I tried really hard to not get discouraged or get angry. I knew I needed to continue to pray for him and show him my love. It was a really hard to not get upset or even feel worse about him not doing what he was supposed to be doing on Sunday. I know knew how Father in Heaven feels each time we make a bad choice. However he never stops loving us and is always patient and kind to us no matter how many mistakes we make.
So my daughter and I went alone and were sitting in sacrament meeting. It was about 20 minutes into the meeting when someone moved my bag that was sitting on the chair next to me and sat down next to me. It was my son J'Dee. Tears came to my eyes as I put my arms around him and hugged him. I asked, I thought you weren't going to make it back to church today?" He then replied, "Well we decided we were done shooting, and once you called I decided we should hustle home."
I knew at that very moment that the Lord did hear and answer my prayers today. He softened a heart and helped J'Dee know where he needed to be without me having to nag him to come. I was also reminded of the opportunity I had to put J'Dee's name in the temple and I know that the Lord is mindful of him and his struggles and his seeking after him. But only if I allow my son to struggle the way the Lord wants him to so that he will learn and grow on his own.
I know prayers are answered, temples are blessings, and families are forever. We must be patient and love our children no matter what choices they make. I am truly thankful for my son and my hope and prayers are that he will continue to realize how this gospel can truly make him happy.
Amazing! Brought me to tears!
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