What We Become is Most Important

This past week I have felt sadness and grief at not being able to become the school teacher that I went back to school for 7 years to become. I recently spoke with a friend whom I attended  college with over the past few years. She did not know of my diagnosis nor did she know that I had to quit my life long dream of becoming an elementary school teacher, only after a few short months of landing my very first 2nd grade class.

As we spoke, I tried be tough and tell her that I was just fine with everything. I told her that I was finding joy in other things and was happy to have my family as my support system. Although this was true, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness as we talked about her upcoming student teaching.  I was excited and happy for her to begin her student teaching. I could see the same excitement in her eyes that I had in mine just over a year ago. Being reminded of how happy and excited I was really brought back feelings of grief all over again for me.

It wasn't until the next day that these feelings of sadness and grief really consumed me. I started to have a full blown pity party for myself. I started to feel as if I was worth nothing. I felt that my success depended upon my being able to have a career. I felt robbed from not being able to do what I had worked so hard to do. Feelings of failure were starting to invade my entire being. I felt alone and unhappy throughout the day. I tried to shake off these feelings, but the thought of what my life would have been like without this disease seemed to occupy my mind.

It wasn't until I came across a story a few days later that changed the way I felt. It was about a man who was so consumed about the success of his business. This man said he prayed day and night wanting to know how to make his business more successful. He wondered why he never felt as if his prayers were answered. It wasn't until the answer of " We really don't care about what your business does, but what we care about very much is what you become because of your  business." that seemed to hit home to him. He realized what we get during our life is inconsequential, but what we become in life makes all the difference.

This was an AH-HA moment for me. I realized that my worth is not centered around a career or any type of success that I might obtain in life. It is what I become in the process while living my life that really matters. I know that the Lord can make more out of my life and help me to become the person he wants me to be.  By giving me this physical health challenge I have been stretched and strengthened both physically and spiritually. I know I would have never been stretched this far while teaching school!  I know the Lord can see the big picture and knows exactly what I need to go through in order to become what He wants me to. As I trust in His plan and endure my own challenges, I know I will become all that He intends for me to be!