Kiss Attack

Today Landee, my grand-baby came and spent the day with me. I enjoy this little girl so much! She is truly my little sunshine! She is such a beautiful spunky little girl.

I love to kiss her fat little cheeks! Today when I was kissing her she started to attack my cheeks. It was so cute! Kaylee, my daughter captured it on her camera.  Ireland is such a special little angel!

Here is the video of her doing this today. She did this for about 5 minutes straight! Landee is so much fun!

Landee's Kiss Attack!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHR53HRElPA&feature=youtu.be

Recognizing Blessings!

I love this quote by President Dieder F Uctdorf,

"Brothers and Sisters, no matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish. There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it."

Sometimes when going through difficulties in our lives we might focus on the negative of our current condition. In order to give thanks each day it is better to find even the smallest things to be thankful for. 

This is really why I started this blog several months ago. I have found so much peace as I try and focus on the blessings in my life each day. Sometimes trials and challenges can seem to overwhelm or overcome me.  If I allow my struggles to swallow me up I am left empty and frustrated. If I focus on the simple blessings or tender mercies that happen each day, my load is lighter, my countenance is happier, and I feel that I can carry this burden with greater ease.

Focusing on the many blessings I have really help me to stay positive and patient while I wait and endure this process. I know the Lord will always bless my life each day and I just have to do my part and try and focus on the many blessings he sends to me each day!

I don't know how long before I will be able to find what will help put this disease into remission, but one thing I know for sure, is that I do not have to do it alone and that the Lord will continually bless me throughout this process. All I need to do is to look for and recognize the blessings sent to me each day. 

Family Fun!

What a fun day I had spending with my grand baby today! I was able to go with my daughter and Irealnd to their doctor today. It was so fun to sit in the back next to the baby seat and talk and play with Landee. She is such a doll and loves to play. She has started to laugh and is so cute. She is the light of my day and loves to giggle!

My body started tanking this afternoon but I still enjoyed playing with her. My daughter spent the afternoon at my house helping me go through all 20 supplements that I am taking in order to rule out whether or not they have any side effects or interact with one another. She spent three hours helping me and we came up with a new plan of what we could do with out.

I am so grateful for her willingness to help me. I know she appreciate my help, but I enjoy helping her with the baby so much that it really is not work but rather so much fun for me!

Tonight, I decided to make gluten free cookies.  I wanted to have a family fun night tonight. We enjoyed playing Family Feud and eating cookies! What a fun night we had just spending time together!

Thanks goes out to my two teens, J'Dee and Shaniah who so willingly played this silly game with us tonight!

Being Humbled

After one year of thinking I do not need one, and after much coaxing from my family, I finally relented and took my application signed by my doctor, to the DMV in order to obtain a handicapped parking pass. Oh how hard this was for me! I guess I really did not want to admit that I needed one. I have hoped that this disease would be going away soon and I wouldn't have to get one. Today I was once again humbled by the fact that I am not the one in charge and that I need to be patient and be happy and endure this trial the very best that I can.

Today I am really grateful for this pass. I can now park in a stall and not have to be exhausted by the time I walk to the store from the parking lot and want to turn around and go home. I can now drive myself to the store on a good day and be able to park close enough to make it in to the store. In fact I think my kids really like this pass a lot more than I do. They love the fact of not having to drive around and around looking for a close parking stall.

Although I feel way to young to have one of these, I guess it really hit home for me when the doctor marked the permanent disability box on my application. Although I know I will continue to fight to put this disease into remission I realized today that I have to admit I need to use what will help me have a better quality of life for myself and for my family!

Everyone Together!

Today was beautiful  and fun day!  It started at 3 a.m. for me as I could not sleep due to the pain. I knew that yesterday would cause quite a flare but I felt at peace knowing things had finally had the chance to come out.

As I lay in bed this morning with my hubby, who had the day off, my oldest son called and wanted to arrange a family movie this afternoon. He was off from work as well and wanted to schedule a family fun day. We were able to arrange with all the kids to go and see a funny movie. We enjoyed laughing and spending the afternoon together. We then went to out to eat and continued to laugh and have fun.

Having fun together was something we all needed, especially after yesterday. They only places I have been lately have been to doctors, hospitals, and specialists and I really needed a change! It was so amazing to have all of my family with me today. I am so grateful for the sacrifices they made to make it happen. I have to admit I am the absolute happiest when everyone is together!

Thanks to such an awesome family for making today such a great memory!

Turning Point

Today was Sunday and I really, really, wanted to try and make it to all three meetings at church today. I knew that I had nothing else planned for the next couple days so I could rest and recover if I caused a flare-up.  I wanted to stay because I wanted to find out what I could do in order to help a sister in our ward who is struggling with her own medical challenges at this time. I wanted to stay for relief society so that I could find out what I could do to help her.

By the time church was over I was feeling pretty miserable. I knew I had overdone it but was heading home to try and rest to avoid a flare. I was unable to help finish dinner and my hubby had to finish it alone. My older kids were coming for dinner and my two teens weren't up to helping their dad with dinner so I decided to go and help. My hubby was not too happy at the fact that the teens weren't helping and I was pushing myself to help him. I knew tensions were rising and I was trying to avoid a household upset.

Just as we all sat down to eat a nice Sunday dinner, everything went quiet and I knew my hubby could not hold back his frustrations any longer, he blew-up at the kids and my kids started to blame and argue with one another. I knew I would not be able to mediate the situation and felt I needed to get out of the tension to avoid a breathing attack.

No sooner did I enter my bedroom when the first attack hit.  My family followed me and reminded me to breath through it. I was very emotional and so angry at this disease and the stress that it has put on my family.  I felt that my family was falling apart because of me not being able to help out and contribute physically.  I was frustrated that I did not have the emotional strength to help them due to my adrenals and lung problems! I continued to have two more attacks. But I knew something needed to be solved and solutions needed to happen and soon!

I prayed so hard for strength and to know what to do. The thought came into my head to gather everyone in my room. Although I kept having breathing issues I felt strengthened from the Lord and the words came as to what I needed to say.  I don't remember exactly what was said but I do remember telling them that this trial is not just for me but for all of us and that we can either fight against it and lose, or we can work together and win. I remember telling them that until we all learn what it is the Lord wants us to learn , that this trial is not going away!

After I spoke I asked each person to take a minute and share their thoughts, frustrations, and whatever else they feel they need to let out! I really learned a great deal from this and knew that this was a turning point in getting through this as a family. I realized just how difficult is is for my husband and kids to watch me suffer with this disease. Some are mad, some are frustrated, and some withdraw from the situation. I realized everyone handles it differently. I have tried to be tough and thought I was doing a good job of hiding my pain from them, but I realized today that my family knows me too well and can't hide anything from them.

After everyone had a chance to vent, cry, yell, and express their feelings, many tears were shed in my room that day. Stress and anger were changed to love and concern. The spirit was so strong and in the end, love was shown to one another through hugs, tears, and kind words.

Today was truly a turning point in our family, I know that we can make it through this but only if we do it together. Going through this trial for over a year now has taken a toll on everyone. I realized today just how hard it has been for them.

We finally made it to dinner table after our family talk. It was cold but we just warmed everything up in the microwave and we were good to go. During this dinner we laughed about the many fun  memories we had made  over the years at previous family gatherings. We all agreed how excited we are for our upcoming and much needed family vacation. We all decided we need to do more fun things together in order to get away from the stress of our present challenges.

I love my family so much and after today I am hopeful that this was truly the turning point we needed in order to heal both emotionally and physically. My hope and prayer is that what was said today will help bring peace to everyone as we struggle through this process together.

Note to self: Next week I think I won't push myself so hard, I will only stay for one meeting! 

No Regrets!

https://www.lds.org/youth/video/of-regrets-and-resolutions?lang=eng

This video is a great reminder of how important it is to focus on the people in our lives and not busy ourselves with things of no real worth. I heard a quote when I was first married, 25 years ago, that has stuck with me ever since.

 "At the end of your life you will never look back and say, Oh I wish I would have spent more time at work, but you will most likely say;  Oh how I wish I would have spent more time with my family." 

I have always remember this quote and it has helped me to remember what my most important focus should always be and how to avoid having any regrets when it comes to the end of my life!

I do know that being available for my family has filled my life with so much happiness. At times when I have overfilled my life with too many things I find myself unhappy and miserable. Although it is a work in progress I am finding joy in the journey of trying to simplify my life each day. Although this disease has been difficult it has really made me slow down and smell the roses and enjoy each day to its fullest!

 Life would not be the same were it not for the example of my Savior and how I need to live my life each day. Remembering the person I need to be and what is most important in life has helped me to be a better daughter, wife, mother, and grandmother. 

True Happiness

For the past few weeks we have been helping them look for a starter home to raise their little family in.  They have wanted to try and find something not too far from us. Today my daughter and our son-in-law found a house that they wanted to put an offer in on. They have been looking for several months and really fell in love with this one. They were excited but really nervous and weren't sure what they were to do.

Kim and I shared our stories of our first home and how nervous we were. We were able to use our experiences to help them feel more at peace in this process. We shared with them that if this house is meant to be for them then everything will work out. We told them to just trust in the Lord and things will work out whether it be this house or another.

Later that night they did put in an offer on the house and tomorrow they will see if this house is meant to be for them or not.

I was so blessed to be involved in watching my daughter and my son-in-law pick their first home today. I am so blown away at how time has flown by so fast. I swear it was just yesterday that she was a baby. Now she is married, has a four month old baby girl, and is contemplating buying their first home! 

Time has really flown by! When I was pregnant, a busy young mother, and when my days were filled with crying babies, dirty diapers, and many little messes, I remember feeling so overwhelmed and exhausted. I don't think I really took the time to enjoy every little moment! Those moments went by so fast as I seemed to busy myself with the endless To-Do's of the day! How I would give anything to go back and have my little ones around me again!

But now that I have graduated to "Grandma" status I have been able to sit back and enjoy these tiny little moments that happen each day! I know being a grandma is the reward for making it through motherhood! I love and enjoy the tender little moments  we area able to have with our grand baby each day!

Since this illness has caused me to spend a lot of time resting, it has really given me a lot of time to contemplate just what really matters in life. It is not about the things we busy ourselves with each day that make us who we are. It is the ones we surround ourselves with and the relationships we create in the process that truly matters. Although raising a family is hard, it is truly the most amazing and most important thing you will ever do.

Our family is central to our happiness and when we do everything in our power to create these lasting close relationships it is only then that we can experience where true happiness comes from! I am so thankful for the opportunity of being a mother and now a grandmother. These two accomplishments are where I find true happiness and joy each day!

Being There For One Another

I just received a phone call from my Grandma. She is the only grandparent I have left. When I was well I used to visit her about 2 times a month and clean her house for her. She called to see how I am feeling. She is such a sweetheart. She has so many of her own health challenges. She has had Rheumatoid Arthritis since she was my age. She has been such an inspiration to me. She would swim every day even with having this disease.

Over the past 20 yeas she has continued to ride her stationary bike at home. I admire her strength to endure so much. She is diabetic, has had knee replacements, and continues to have many other health challenges, but continue to live alone and take care of herself with only minimal help from her children and grandchildren.

She has such a strong will and is very independent. I told her that I try to do some type of exercise each day. I told her that I am trying to do what exercise I can each day. I told her I tried to go swimming a coupe of weeks ago and how that put me in bed for a couple days. I also shared with her that I try to exercise only what my lungs can handle, which right now are only a little yoga or Pilates. She told me that without her bike riding she would probably be in a wheelchair by now. She is such an amazing example of courage and determination of never giving up!

We joked and laughed about the fact that we both do a little and then have to rest for a while. We also laughed about how big both of our pill boxes are. I told her that I am half her age but feel like I am as old as she is. She laughed and we just enjoyed talking today. She told me that she worries and thinks about me often. I told her I wished I could do more to help her! Today we found peace in just being there for one another.

 I sure hope I can be around for my grandchildren when they are older. I am so thankful for such wonderful pillar of strength in my life.

After we were done talking she told me that she loved and missed me. I told her that I loved and missed her too. She told me to hang in there and I told here to do the same. We both decided we will get through these health challenges together.

Once again I am so grateful for my grandma today. She lifted my spirits and helped me feel that I am not alone in this process!

Ready, Set, Laugh

Today was the first day I found some relief in a long 7 day flare. This flare was definitely one of the worst ones yet. I am so thankful to my Father in Heaven for helping me be at peace today. I actually slept the entire night and woke up with a fair amount of energy. By 10:00 a.m I had to lie down again but I am so happy to have had so much energy for the morning time. I stayed down in bed and around noon my daughter brought her sweet baby to see me!

Playing with Ireland and spending time with my daughter really brightens my day! How thankful I am for family and without them I could never make it through these trials.

I  had so much making this collage of her and Grandpa playing together! I love watching him read books and tell stories to her. She has no ideas what he is saying but loves hearing his voice!

When she sits on his shoulders she loves to feel the stubble on his head and grab his ears! haha!

SHE KNOWS GRANDPA LOVES HER!

My Cute little Love Bird!!

READY….

SET…….

LAUGH!!!

I loved making Landee Laugh today! She just melts my heart!!!

I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father who sent this angel 

to be in our family at this time!!

She makes everything all better! 

Still Searching for Answers

I am so bound and determined to put an end to this disease that I will not stop searching for answers until I find some. Although I am grateful to find that I do have the MTFHR genetic defect which has probably led to me having Sarcoidosis, I am still very absolute about trying to find something  to put this disease into remission.

It has been 7 months since I saw my internal medicine doctor and for the past month I have felt as if I needed to get in and see him soon. I have also been nervous with the new symptoms I have been having and fear the spreading of my sarcs into other areas of my body. I feel that I need his input on what he thinks is going on and what I need to do next. I met with him and told him about the new symptoms I am having from breathing attacks, migraines, swollen glands and lymph nodes in my neck and head.

He told me all of these symptoms I am having are all related to my sarcoidosis. Since this disease spreads to other areas of the body he wants me to see the specialists at the University of Utah.  He wants me to start with the rheumatologist and pulmonologist who work together and who specialize in treating sarcoidosis. When I called to make an appointment it is a 6 months before their next appointment. There are not many doctors in Utah who specialize in this disease. My doctor told me he would get a referral into them and see if they can get me in sooner.

My husband and I have done some research and have found  about 3 major Sarcoidosis speciality centers around the United States. If we are not able to get help at the University of Utah, my hubby said we might have to be taking our family vacation to one of these Sarcoidosis resorts… I mean centers!
WOW I told him sounds like fun! I bet the kids would love that!!! haha! These sarcoidosis speciality centers check you from head to toe and really assess where the sarcs are in your body and determine what stage you are in. Hopefully we will find some answers soon and in the process I will stay try to find peace by staying positive and patient with myself and this disease.

Trials Today Help Others Tomorrow (MTFHR Defect)

Today I met with my doctor to find out results from some recent blood tests. When I met with him two weeks ago he wanted to test to see if I have a genetic liver defect that has effected they way my body processes the B-vitamins and folic acid, as well as repeat many other tests in order to see if the supplements and medications are working or not.

It was a very painful day once again in the middle of one of the longest and most painful flares I have had so far with this disease. I also was so exhausted that I had a very hard time even getting out of bed in  order to have my hubby take me to this appointment. I felt very discouraged and really did not even want to go. But with the support of my family I did find the inner strength to go.

After we met with him we found out that all four of my hormone levels were increasing to almost normal! YAY! We were so excited to hear some good news! But my adrenal fatigue was causing my thyroid and pituitary to not function properly. My thyroid levels did not increase and has worsened and he wants me to start on three different supplements for that. I also still have a high level of candida so I need to continue the candida flush. My vitamin D level was low (as is very common with people with Sarcoidosis) so he has increase the dose to 5,000mg daily.

However, we did find something new and interesting from the tests today. My homeopathic doctor suspected that I might have the genetic MTFHR liver defect. This effects my liver and its ability to methylate folic acid and vitamins correctly which can result in chronic diseases over time. I did test positive for this defect and now have to take methylated B-Vitamins and folic acid.

I also found out that this is passed down from parents and having this defect can cause a pregnant mom to not be able to methylate b-vitamins and folic acid. This leads their babies to having lip and tongue ties as well as other serious issues like cleft palates, spina bifida or even down syndrome. My daughter and her husband had been researching this MTFHR defect, which is what I what just diagnosed with, and now think Kaylee probably has this defect as well because Ireland (my grand baby) was born with a lip and tongue tie.

We were grateful today to find out about this genetic MTFHR defect that I have. I did feel relieved to find out that this MTFHR defect could possibly be the reason for this chronic disease, but I did feel overwhelmed at the thought of it. My husband looked at me and told me something that really made me understand just why I might be going through all of this. He said "Just think, maybe you had to go through all of this in order to find out you had this genetic defect that has been passed down from your family and has never been detected. Now that you know you can help your children and grandchildren by potentially avoiding birth defects, chronic diseases, and many other health issues related to having MTFHR."

I broke down into tears when he told me this and I knew right then that I would do anything to help my children and my grandchildren both born and un-born. How grateful I am for what we have learned and the opportunity to hopefully eliminate future problems for my family.

Sometimes we must pass through trials today, to make other lives better tomorrow!

Here is a link to some information on the MTFHR defect. A great resource.
MTFHR INFORMATION

Finish & Not Falter

While struggling through the pain of this disease today I found comfort and relief in a quote from President Thomas S Monson, ( October 2013) conference address. This is what I really needed to inspire me to be patient in this process and ask myself: "Will I finish or will I falter"?

"When the pathway of life takes a cruel turn, there is the temptation to ask the question “Why me?” At times there appears to be no light at the end of the tunnel, no sunrise to end the night’s darkness. We feel encompassed by the disappointment of shattered dreams and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea, “Is there no balm in Gilead?” We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We become impatient for a solution to our problems, forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required."

After reading this I have to admit that these past few days I have felt a great deal of what President Monson is speaking about in this passage above. I found myself being impatient while struggling with pain. I found myself being disappointed at not being able to do what I wanted and needed to do. I found myself becoming not as optimistic as I would have liked to be. I felt as if there were no light up ahead for me.

It is in these most trying moments that I must remember to finish and not falter. I know that I am being tested to my very core. I know many others suffer and struggle with much more than I am going through. I know that I must reach deep inside myself to find the strength I need to lift not only myself but also others.

President Monson continues;

"The difficulties which come to us present us with the real test of our ability to endure. A fundamental question remains to be answered by each of us: Shall I falter, or shall I finish? Some do falter as they find themselves unable to rise above their challenges. To finish involves enduring to the very end of life itself."

After reading this I found such strength and courage to go on! I found inspired and felt the challenge to rise above it and not falter. I will not let this disease get the best of me I will not allow it to take me down. I will FINISH and NOT falter! I am so thankful for words from such an amazing Prophet of God who inspired and help me get through such a difficult day.

Giving Up Is Not An Option

Today was day two of one of the worst flares I have had so far. I know I had to push myself earlier in the week in order to be there for my family. I knew it might cause a flare but my family is so important to me that I would do anything for them even if it means having to have a flare afterwards.

My daughter spent the day with me and brought my grand-baby over to help me through this painful day. I am so thankful for my hubby, children, and grand-children and their love they show towards me. I know this disease is not only hard on me but also my family. But I do know this trial is bringing us all closer together as we work and wait patiently for something to help put this disease into remission. We are becoming a stronger family as we continually sacrifice ourselves in order to help one another.

I found this quote that fits exactly how I felt today:
 "Sometimes staying strong feels impossible but giving up is not an option!"

Hang In There!

Today I woke up with the most painful flares yet. Not only were my lungs and lymph nodes in my chest on fire, but also all the glands in my neck, both front and back were swollen and painful today.  This flare caused a huge migraine from all of the swollen glands. I spent the entire day in bed today.

I am so thankful for such a wonderful family that stood by my side today and helped me get through such a difficult day. I love them with all of my heart and I know I would never make it through this without them.

Today while in this flare I realized that this disease is progressing into other areas of my body other than just my lungs. So I made an appointment to see my internal medicine doctor next week in order to find out what I need to do if this disease is progressing into other areas.

So today I just need to remember….

Sometimes He Lets It Rain

Do you ever wonder when the rain will end, when the storm clouds will clear,  or when the warm rays of sunshine will return? Well after this week I sure am wondering that very thing. I know the Lord lets it rain in our lives in order for us to grow but sometimes it may seem as if it is more than we can bare.

Today I went with my daughter to her lactation consultant to learn devastating news. She found out she has IGF, which is an hormone that limits milk production in humans. She has been really struggling maintaining her milk supply since the birth of Ireland. Today she was told that 1% of moms that have this condition, can only produce about 25% of what baby needs. She was told she would have to supplement this baby and any future babies she might have. This completely devastated her. She has been such a pro-active healthy mom who has tried to give this baby the very best start in life.  The specialist told Kaylee that she could not believe how Ireland could weigh almost 14 pounds at 4 months old. She told Kaylee that she has done an amazing job helping Ireland to gain weight.  She told her that most babies of moms that have this condition have only gained 1-2 pounds at four months of age. Where Ireland has gained 7 lbs. and doubled her birth weight.

Kaylee has worked so hard to keep this baby healthy. She has had to nurse for hours some days, pump non-stop to try and increase her supply, use herbs, medicines, and oils,  find breast-milk supplements from donating mothers, and have Landee's lip and tongue tie fixed in order to help her be able to suck properly. She has been through so much these past four months trying to do what is best for her baby. She would ask me many days if being a mother was really supposed to be this hard! Today she finally received the reason behind why it has been so difficult.

Although this was very hard to hear at first we both agreed that in life we are all given challenges that we do not like! I told her that I hate having this disease and life does not seem fair at times, but that we must learn to accept it, learn from it, and then figure out a game plan on how we are going to do to get through it! I told her half the battle is not knowing what you have or what you must deal with. I told her its a blessing to know what's been going on and now we just have to move forward with faith and do our part and then the Lord will do his.

From my disease, my daughters swim injury, my oldest daughters diagnosis, I guess the Lord feels its time to really let it rain in our family lately. I feel we are all enduring these trials together. Holding on to one another for strength and trusting in the Lord will help us get through these storm. I know the sun will shine and we will make it but "Sometimes He Lets it Rain."

This is one of my favorite songs ever. When my brother died 6 years ago I remember this song was one that really helped me make it through on my most darkest days.

Sometimes He Lets it Rain

Being There For Others

Today I saw way too many medical professionals than I would like to!!!

 I saw my own chiropractor for pain today, helped my daughter take her baby to the pediatric dentist to have her lip and tongue tie checked out, and then on to the pediatric chiropractor for Landee's neck adjustments

 Later that afternoon, we went to my youngest daughters swim meet. Five minutes after we walked in I looked down to see all the coaches around my daughter. Immediately I knew something was wrong! I handed off my grand-baby to my mom and Kaylee and I went down to check on Shaniah. Shaniah was hunched over in tears. She had injured her back during warm-ups before the meet. It hurt even when she would breathe. She wanted to stay and swim but was unable to. Shaniah is a very tough girl and did not want to let her team down. But we knew she needed to go and see a doctor soon.  We immediately took her to see a chiropractor. He determined she pulled the main muscle in her back that runs up the spine. She also pulled her quad in her leg. He did therapy on her and adjusted her back and recommended she come back each day for the next week to continue her therapy. She immediately felt some relief. She was then able to stand up straight without pain.

Shaniah has been practicing 2-3 days a day for swim and or lacrosse. I knew it would take a toll on her body, but the two sports she loves overlap for about 3 weeks. She is going to have to learn how to limit what she does so that injuries will not happen.

The doctor told her Shaniah would not be able to compete or practice any sport for the next week. Shaniah was devastated as her swim team has region in two weeks and her lacrosse season has just started conditioning a couple weeks ago. This week she has tryouts for lacrosse and is really concerned about not doing or feeling good enough for that. I told her to rest her body completely for the next 5 days just like the doctor said and then we will see how she feels. Shaniah loves to workout and I know that having to stay down and rest will be really tough for her. I hope that she will be patient with herself, her body, and the Lord as she recovers from this injury.

I hope and pray her recovery will be quickened and she will be able to be back on her feet doing what she loves to do real soon. Although it is hard to watch her struggle and endure her own trials, I do now that this will only strengthen and teach her to trust in the Lord. I hope I can there for her in her time of need just as she has been there for me these past few months.

Patience = Enduring Well

Today I knew a flare was starting but my family needed me to help with some things today. I tried to take it easy but I really struggle trying to find a balance between what I want to do and what I should or should not be doing. It has been a little over a year since struggling with this disease and I still am learning to be patient with it, myself, my family, and the Lord.

December 2012 was when the pain and breathing problems began. It wasn't until March of 2013 that I was officially diagnosed with sarcoidosis. It is has taken me over a year to be able to come to accept the fact that I have a disease and the fact that it  has change my life so dramatically.  I was very healthy 43 years old woman, just finishing college after 7 long years, and starting teaching 2nd grade. So happy to have had two children raised and off on there own and only two children left in high school. I was in such a good place in my life and felt everything was going great.

I think the Lord could see this and knew that  in order for me to grow and become stronger he needed to find something that would really stretch me both physically and spiritually. Even after one long year  I am still being stretched to my limits! I know that I have had many tender mercies along the way and the Lord has not left me comfortless. He has been with me every step of the way. I have never had to be alone in this process. He has been there to lift me up when discouraged, strengthen me when I am in pain, and bless me when I have felt that I could not go on any longer.

 I know this trial has been placed before me because I needed to learn patience. Patience is such a virtue that for me is so hard to endure. I am learning it line upon line, precept upon precept. In fact, I have said to my friends…." I just want to learn what it is I need to learn from this trial and then get on with it." This statement is exactly the opposite of what patience is all about. It makes me laugh to say this because this is definitely not patience. LOL

Every trial we are given we must endure patience. It could be patiently waiting for the trial to resolve, or patiently enduring a lifelong trial. It really does not matter what type of waiting is involved but we must do all we can do and do it well in order for the Lord to bless us in his own way and in his own time.

I found a a few quotes that I really loved from an April 2010 conference, by Dieter F Uchtdorf entitled: Continue in Patience.

"Patience means accepting that which cannot be changed and facing it with courage, grace, and faith. It means being willing to submit to the father all things which the Lord seethe fit to inflict upon (us), even as a child doth submit to his father."  

"Patience means to abide in faith, knowing that sometimes it is in the waiting rather than in the receiving that we grow the most."

"Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all we can-working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardships with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience in not simply enduring; it is enduring well!"

I am so grateful for this opportunity to learn patience and the many blessings that have come into my life because of it. I am thankful for the stretching and refineing  that it happening to me. I just hope and pray that I will become everything the Lord wants me to become because of this trial. I know that if I endure it well then he will make much more out of my life than I ever could on my own!

"Continue In Patience"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=654QGjYHlJY

Half Full or Half Empty?

Today I felt a bit rough but I was able to go with my daughter and grand-daughter to her doctors appointment. I was blessed to spend the time with them today and felt joy as I played with my grand baby.

It was a beautiful sunny day today and it felt good to feel the sunshine. I felt very happy and blessed to be able to be there for my children when they need me.

There are many times I can't do what I used to be able to do. But I have come to accept that and be okay with that. I have realized that the most important things we do each day are the simple moments shared with the ones we love.

Although life can throw so pretty crazy curves at you, I find that when I try and focus on the tender mercies that happen each day I seem to be more happier and less effected by my current condition. It is amazing when I start looking for the most important blessings in my life, my attitude changes and my outlook on life becomes more positive. I am truly thankful for the opportunities I have been given and for the positive outlook that helps me make it through even my roughest days.

Strengthened by the Lord

I knew today would be quite a challenge for me. I felt okay and really wanted to attend church. I went the first hour and then went home to rest so that I could go back and attend Relief Society. I really enjoy spending time learning about the gospel with the sisters in our ward. They were very surprised to see me and I was very happy to finally be abel to be there. Most Sundays I only am able to make it to Sacrament meeting but I was extremely thrilled to be able to make it to Relief Society as well.

After church I went home and rested. My son and daughter helped me with dinner. I did not feel very well but I knew I had to save my strength in order to feel good enough to attend Shaniah's Young Women's meeting with her.

Last week I was asked to share a few words on what Integrity meant to me at Shaniah's Young Women meeting. I was grateful for the opportunity of being able to share my testimony with my daughter and the other young women. However I was very worried about if I would be able to make it through my talk due to the pain and my adrenals not functioning properly. I prayed so hard and asked the Lord to strengthen me and carry me through this ordeal. Although I was very shaky and weak I was able to say what I needed to share with them.

After I spoke I started to tank and really had to lean on my hubby in order to get through the rest of the meeting. I knew that I would never had made it through this night without the help of the Lord. I felt his strengthening power in helping me say, and physically do what I need to tonight. I am thankful for a loving husband who supported me tonight and a sweet daughter who is such an inspiration to me.

Taking the Time

Yesterday was my Dad's birthday.  He is such an amazing father, so kind and caring and not to mention extremely hard-working.  I am so thankful for him and how hard he has worked his entire life. He turned 67 yesterday and I called to wish him a Happy Birthday. I asked him if he would like me to make him some of his favorite cookies or a birthday cake today. He told me that his favorite oatmeal raisin cookie sounded good. I was feeling okay in the afternoon and I wanted to make something for him so I made (from scratch) his favorite cookies.

I have not baked for a while and I felt such an accomplishment when I finished these. I love to bake, in fact I love to watch any type of baking show since I have been down with this disease. I guess for some reason it makes me feel as if I am the one doing the baking. I learned to love  baking from my Grandma Rhea and my Mom. We love to make goodies! Since I have been gluten, dairy, and egg free I have really cut back on my baking. However, when I do feel up to baking I love to try experimenting with my gluten free flours and sometimes it works out and sometimes it is barely even edible. (haha!)

 After I made the cookies I found myself in bed for a few hours having to rest from all the fun. I know that he loved his cookies because he did to want to share with my mom, she told me he tried to hide them from her.

This afternoon Shaniah and I decided to have a girls movie afternoon. We rented some movies and enjoyed some mother-daughter time. We laughed and had fun just being together today!

Having this disease has really allowed me to slow down and focus on the family. I am realizing that just spending time making a favorite treat for a loved one or having some one-on-one time with your child can really be just what is needed in both of your lives at that time.

Magnesium…..Who would of thought?

MAGNESIUM…. No wonder I love the Epson bath salt so much!

When I met with my Doctor this past week he suggested I start taking 300 mg of magnesium in pill form each day. He recommend this in order to help boost my adrenal glands. He explained that having my adrenals not functioning properly lead to the cause of my breathing attacks as well as my migraines which stem from the nerves being pinched in my neck with each of my sarcoidosis lung flare-ups.

I told him as soon as my body starts into a breathing attack, myself or my family, quickly start a hot bath with Epson magnesium salt in it. We dump about 2 cups in each time. I thought I was just doing what I know relaxes me, but come to find the magnesium in the salt is actually the best thing I can do to help calm my adrenals. Bathing in magnesium quickly helps my body return to its normal breathing pattern and gets me out of my attack. I was so excited to be able to start taking it orally today and hopefully by taking magnesium internally will help me  avoid having further breathing attacks.

I am also hopeful that my neck pain and migraines will lessen with each of my lung flare-ups as I take this supplement. Having no control over stressors in your life both internally and externally can leave you with a pretty helpless feeling. I am really praying that this will work wonders for me and potentially eliminate yet another complication from this disease. So thankful for professionals who educate themselves and their patients with what we can do to help our bodies heal naturally.

Patience in the Process

This week I went in to my doctor for more blood tests. I was in 3 months ago and this particular doctor is a D.O. who specilializes in treating adrenals, thyroid, pituitary, and hormone issues. He has worked with sarcoidosis patients before. The first round of tests he found that I had candida and has been treating me for that over these past 3 months. He also found that I had no testosterone, progesterone, or DHEA in my body. Plus, my thyroid, pituitary and adrenals were not functioning properly. So pretty much my entire endocrine system is out of whack due to having sarcoidosis.

This doctor is in Provo and is a D.O. which means he is a certified physician but also practices on the homeopathic side of things. He has prescribed me bio-indentical hormones (which are simply hormones that are most like what our body naturally produces). He has started me on natural supplements to increase the levels in my body that are not working properly as well as having me take a candida cleanse to rid my intestines of this infection. He also has me taking a medication that when taken in small doses seems to release endorphins into my body naturally which tricks the immune system into trying to function properly. I am excited to see what the blood tests will reveal next week when I go back for my results.

Each time I go I am able to learn new things about what my body needs. Instead of just suppressing my immune system the western medicine way with steroids or drugs used for cancer, I find that it makes much more sense to simply peel away at this disease one layer at a time to get to the underlying cause of it all.

I have learned that my body does a poor job at getting rid of heavy metals and bacterias found abundantly in my blood. Today I was told that my old fillings (amalgams) in my teeth need to come out. But they want my adrenals to be stronger before starting that. I also was told I might have a liver defect which might be why my body does not get rid of these heavy metals and bacteria. This could be a cause as to what triggered my disease.

Although going the homeopathic/natural route can be very slow and tedious, not to mention expensive, I feel it is so worth it. I am able to be happy and coherent during this process and I feel that this is the right path that I am on. I know this route is not a quick fix or a overnight cure but I will be patient with myself, the specialist, and the Lord as we work together to find what will put this disease into remission.

Thankful for Priesthood Blessings

Ireland had a procedure done to fix her lip and tongue tie. She went to a pediatric dentist to have it done. These ties were causing her to break suction while nursing which led to her having re-flux, colic, and milk supple issues.  Ireland has been such a light and blessing in our family. Due to these problems she has been a pretty fussy baby. Her parents are amazing and have done everything possible in order to help her. I have never heard of a lip or tongue tie. I know her parents prayers were answered as they were led to the diagnosis of this for Ireland.

Because of the procedure she was not feeling so well today. I made her a cute little snuggle soft minky blanket to keep her comfy today. I am so thankful for her parents and the love they have for her. She is so lucky to have such dedicated parents. I went to see her today, but could not stay long due to the flare I was having. My pain was intense today but I just had to find a way to go and visit my little grand-baby. I was so thankful that everything went well today.

I am so grateful for the gift of priesthood blessings. The priesthood blessing that Ireland received last night gave us all peace and comfort as she underwent this procedure. So thankful for a hubby and son-in-law who were able to give her that blessing. I am also so grateful that the Lord watched over and protected her today.

 I know that if we ask the Lord for help, He will be with us no matter what we are going through.

Ireland we love you and hope you get feeling better really soon!

Trying Everything….

Today was the beginning of a painful flare from this past weekend. Ireland's blessing was so amazing and I enjoyed every minute of being together with all of my family. I know my family gets frustrated when I seem to do too much. But big events like holidays and baby blessings are all worth having a flare-up for. Although I might be down for a few days I can sit and look at the pictures and remember what a great time we all had celebrating Landee's baby blessing.

Tonight my daughter made an eggplant and spinach lasagna for dinner tonight. It was really good. I am really trying to eat at least 6-9 cups of vegetables and fruits a day. Since I have had to stay away from gluten, dairy, and eggs I have only focused on what I can't eat instead on what I can. My goal is to try and focus on what I can eat and to not just go without what I can't.

It can be difficult cooking for your family the way I need to eat. It is also difficult for me to cook the way I need to when I am in a flare. I am trying to slowly teach my hubby and kids how to cook the way we all should be eating. It is hard to change the way you have cooked for the past 25 years. We just have to take it slow and not expect miracles. Sometimes they do complain and hate what we have to eat, but I know they will be healthier in the long run once they get used to it.

One of my goals for the New Year is to create a menu that incorporates the 6-9 cups of vegetables and fruits that need to be eaten each day. This way I will assure that we all are getting what we need to be eating.

My daughter and I (mostly my daughter.. while I napped with the baby) also made homemade lip-balm and lotion using beeswax, cocoa butter, and shea butter. We flavored the lip-balms and lotion using the Doterra oils. We made lip-balm in the following flavors: wintergreen, peppermint and lavender, cinnamon with cloves and wild orange, lemongrass(my favorite), and citrus bliss. My family actually really loved the homemade lip-balms and quickly scrapped up their favorite flavors.

We are really trying to eliminate toxins that are getting into my body. My liver is not able to rid my body of the toxins so we are trying to make natural products. Because this can be very overwhelming at first, we have chosen to change 2-3 new products each week. So far we have added homemade deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and now lip-balm and lotion. We found many of our recipes on the Do-terra blog. Next we will be working on changing our cleaning products.

I have been so blessed to have a daughter who is passionate about using these products with her own family. She has helped me to incorporate these natural products into our home as well.

Video 2014 Come Unto Christ

For Family Night  tonight we watched a short 4 minute video entitled 2014 Come Unto Christ. It is the upcoming  youth theme for the new year put out by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. As we watched this with our two teens tonight we all felt the spirit very strong. This video reminded us that no matter what trials we are going through we all can make it if we have hope and Come Unto Christ. 

I know this illness has not just been difficult for me but has been very rough on my entire family. My heart aches as I watch them worry about me. I try to assure them that I am fine but I know they carry this burden around with them way too much.

 As we watched this together tonight we realized that we can make it through any obstacle together if we but Come Unto Christ. He is waiting to help all of us make it through this if we turn our hearts over to him. I know he is waiting with outstretched arms to carry and comfort us when needed.  

This video was exactly what our family needed tonight and I hope by sharing it with you that it will lighten your load as well.

https://www.lds.org/youth/video/come-unto-christ-2014-theme-song?lang=eng

Ireland's Blessing Day

What a beautiful and special day it was today!

 Ireland Stacie Powers was blessed by her father Andrew Powers. Ireland looked so beautiful today as she was dressed in her tiny little white dress.  She was also wrapped in the white crochet blanket  I had made for her special day. She looked so adorable.

The blessing her father gave her was so amazing. In the blessing she was told that she was sent to this earth to be a light unto her family at this time. When I heard her father say these words in the blessing I was so touched. I have seen this come to pass since the day she was born.

Due to the many challenges our family has been enduring these past few months Ireland has really been the beacon of light which has brightened so many of our lives.  We have been so blessed to have her come into our family at this time. I know that our Father in Heaven knew exactly when she needed to come and bless the lives of all of us. I am so thankful for her special little spirit and the opportunity I have to be her grandma! Nothing could ever be sweeter than to be a Grandma of this sweet little angel!

                                                                                                     

Kaylee, Andrew, and Ireland. The best parents  and cutest family in the whole world!

Our Precious little Angel

                                                          Uncle C'Jay and Ireland                                     

Giggle Girl

Love this little sweetie

We Love our little angel!

"No more kisses grandma and grandpa!!"

Having fun on her big day!

                                             

Uncle J'Dee with Landee

 

       Aunt Niah with Landee

 

Landee loved all the attention today!

Great Grandma and Grandpa Parry love their 1st great granddaughter

Landee's 2nd cousin Ryland would not take his eyes off of her.

Landee smiling with her 2nd cousin Karleigh and great aunt Shauna

The Video of Ireland's Blessing Day