Well I would have to say that one of the hardest things to not be able to participate in is going to church. But I am so thankful that the young men of our ward can bring the sacrament to me today.
When I first started this protocol I thought it was going to be a lot easier than it actually is. I remember the Dr. warning me about one of the serious consequences the sun and fluorescent lighting could cause.
However, for some reason I thought I was tougher than that and that it would not affect me. I guess I thought I was strong enough to take it by myself. BOY…once again I was wrong. Yesterday I learned first hand after attempting to go to a store for the first time in two weeks that the doctors were right.
After 5 minutes of being under the florescent lighting, even with my special NOIR glasses on, the pain was intense. In fact, I even tried to tough it out just to see how bad it would get. Well it got pretty bad pretty fast and before long I asked my daughter to take me straight home.
We grabbed some lunch on the way home to my dark cave of a house. It was so nice mentally to get out in the daylight for the first time since May 4. However, the price I had to pay for doing that the rest of the day, was definitely not worth it.
I guess you could say I had to see for myself just what the lights would do to me and not just take someones word for it! OKAY!! Now I know… I will listen and believe what the Marshall Protocal said would happen! haha I guess that is what I get with such a stubborn personality!
So church is going to be a no-go for me and today I decided that the three hours I would be at church I am going to focus on reading, studying, and listening to conference talks, church magazines, and the scriptures. My hope is that I can continue to find strength and peace through this trial.
Today I found an amazing talk in the June 2015 Ensign. It is called Trusting in the Assurances of the Lord. This talk really helped me be reminded how no matter what we are going through in our lives the Lord will deliver us. It might not be the taking away of our trials but that He will give us the strength we need to deliver ourselves!
I felt that strength this past week when I was in so much pain. Several days this past week I felt as if I could not go on any longer with this protocol. I wondered if what I was doing was really going to be worth it. I prayed and read my scriptures diligently.
They answers did not come in a blaze of glory but rather one small piece at a time. As I turned my heavy load over to the Lord, I have felt His help in my life each day this past week. He has helped and strengthened me to endure each day. He has sent tiny tender mercies to me to let me know I am not alone! He has lightened my load and replaced the frustration and pain with happiness and joy. I know that my redeemer lives and that He truly is my Savior and Redeemer. He knows exactly what I am going through and as I turn my struggles and pain over to Him , I have literally felt him carry them for me!
How grateful I am for my trials but also for the triumphs I gain because of my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Chrsit. I know I could never make it through this process without the Love of my Father in Heaven and without my Savior Jesus Christ's ability to lift me from my pain and suffering. I can testify the atonement is real and can help with whatever we need, any time, any place and with any thing…. All we need to do is ask! I promise He is there anxiously waiting to raise us up!
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