Today, I would have to say was one of the most difficult days for me. The intolerable pain, fatigue, and sickness I felt with this new protocol started to really get me down. I know I am in it for the long haul and today I just really wanted to give up on this protocol altogether. I couldn't even imagine having to feel this sick and be in this much pain for the next 2-5 years.
Not only is this protocol hard for me but even more difficult for my family. But one thing I have noticed, especially today, that when I keep a positive and happy outlook no matter how bad I feel, my family seems to deal with things better.
But today was not that day. As we were eating dinner, I felt so horrible that I have to admit I was pretty onry. Not begin able to go out into the sun, or have the lights on in your house can make you feel alone and downright miserable. So tonight during dinner I was less than my chipper happy self. It did not take long for my up happy spirit to transfer to my hubby who then transferred that right back to me. The kids also felt the tension and every was uptight, all because of me!
I felt so done with this process and hated how useless I felt having to not be able to be the active, busy and fun person that I use to be. I decided to take a drive, I knew that would prove to flare me even more doing this, but I just had to get away even if it was just a short drive.
As I drove I cried. I felt as if life was handing me yet again another curve-ball and that it was up to me what I would do with it. I drove and found myself in the parking lot of the Oquirrh Mountaiin LDS Temple.
As I entered the temple ground I was worried because I knew I could not go inside due to the fluorescent lights that would cause me to have unbearable lung pain, breathing issues, and migraines!
I sat in my car hoping and waiting for the peace and strength and courage I needed to go in with this process!
As I sat in my car I listened to my some of my favorite spiritual songs and decided to pray. I prayed and prayed. I prayed harder and with more intent than ever before! I asked the Lord to help me with all the struggles both physically and mentally that I was having.
During that prayer a name flashed before my mind. It was the name Berthelsdatter. I was not even thinking about this 7th great grandma of mine. This past month I have been researching Johanna Bertelsdatter and her family. I have spent many hours trying to find this woman who belonged to our family. I discovered that she was born under Anne Berthelsdatter and later changed her name to Johanna.
During my research I found the documents I needed to prove that Joanne Bertlesdatter (Anne) was our 7x's great grandmother. I also was led to find her daughter who is our direct family line and have her sealed to her parents. I also found another baby girl of Joanne's that only lived one month after her birth that needed to be linked to our family as well.
Right after her name flashed into my mind, I felt the strongest most loving appreciation that I have ever felt from her. I felt such a feeling of gratitude and love from her for finding and doing her work.
It was at that moment that I realized that although I have felt useless according to daily activities, I knew I was extremely important in God's eyes and now in her eyes as well! I felt such a reverence for the work of Family History and knew from this experience that what I am doing is extremely valuable and is exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I knew that if I did this most important work I would be blessed with the ability to make it through anything!
I would never have guessed in a million years this would be my answer to my prayer. As I drove home I felt such a renewed peace, strength, courage, and self confidence knowing I am a daughter of God and to continue to do Family History work. I know as I do this I will be blessed to make it through each and every one of my most difficult days!
Today I learned:
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