Surprise Party

My in-laws were in town for Thanksgiving, and since their 50th wedding anniversary was this week, the family decided to throw a surprise 50th anniversary reception/party for them. Each of the 8 brothers and sisters had a job to do to get ready for it. My husband had to work today so it was up to me and our kids to do our part. I tried really hard to not over do when preparing and setting up for this event. I knew I would need to reserve some energy for the actual dinner and party that night.

I was so grateful for my kids who came with me and helped me lift everything and continued to remind me to not overdo. I am so grateful for their concern and help today.

The dinner and surprise party was such a fun event. My mom-in-law was so overcome when she walked into the cultural hall to see the 50's party created just for them that she cried and my father-in-law just couldn't stop smiling!

It was a very exhausting and pain-filled day for me, and that this day will cause a big flare the next few days.....But somethings are so important that you just grin and bare it so that you can be a part of this once in a lifetime celebration!

After setting up

50 years of marriage and still "Rockin"

So overcome & surprised about the 50th anniversary party!

Sharing funny stories from the past

The happy couple...after 50 years!

Me and Ireland just hanging out!

The Entire Family!

Adjusting Traditions!

Today was what our family has called for years, "Shopping Day".... not Black Friday as it is referred to today. Ever since I was a little girl my mom, aunts, and grandma would venture out on the Friday after Thanksgiving to hunt for good deals and bargains. We would call it the woman's day out and the men would stay home and watch the kids while the women went on their annual hunting trip.

It wasn't until I was 12 years old that I earned the right of passage that was needed to be upgraded from head babysitter to be considered old enough to shop with the best bargain hunters in the family. We would wake up early and head out on our adventures. We would all meet at the same store and for some years it was always Fred Meyers, because they had the best deal on socks. I don't remember it being about big ticket items back then. For us it was about spending time together as a group of female hunters making memories and just having fun.

We would then meet for lunch and share all the funny stories from the day as well as the years previous. My grandma, who just recently passed away, always seemed to have the most hilarious stories to share. Whether it was when she went in for a case of $5.00 barbies, or running into the mens bathroom on accident and then wetting herself from the shock of it, are definitely two of my favorite stories from our past shopping days.

Although the focus of shopping day has change dramatically over the years, our family has continued to enjoy this day as a women's get away. As I have created a family of my own, this shopping of sisterhood has increased. My girls and sister-in-laws' now join us for this time honored tradition.

This year was not what I would call normal, nor would I call the past 8 months have been anything but normal. My grandma is gone, my mom was home sick, my daughter and her baby were not able to go, and my family did not want me to go and cause a worse flare-up for myself. It was extremely hard to not participate in this day. This was the first day in over 30 years that I have missed spending time with these wonderful women in my family.

I tried to shop online, and even made my husband take me to one store, where after one hour I had to leave due to my breathing and pain. Not being able to spend time with the girls today really made me appreciate just how lucky I am to have these women in my life. Although I was a bit saddened not being able to be with them today,  I did realize that I don't need any one special day to make memories with them. But... since I did miss spending time with them I called everyone up and set up a day to go to lunch and one store with them together next week.

I am truly grateful for the women in my family, both past and present, who have made such a difference in my life. I am learning that I just have to find other ways to spend time with them that allow me to stay with in the boundaries of my "new normal" so that I can make the best of the time I am able to spend with them!

Gratitude is an Attitude

THANKSGIVING is a day for being grateful. I know I am grateful for many things and I could make an extremely long list but what I learned today made me realize just what being thankful really is about.

This morning I woke up with a not-so-happy attitude, I guess you would call it. I wasn't flat out mean and ornery; just tired, sore, and not feeling up to par. As I thought about why I just didn't feel as thankful as I should be on this beautiful day, I realized that my attitude was affecting my display of gratitude. I realized that when we focus on things we can't do, or on what we don't have, or even things we once were, are basically not being grateful for what we can do, and what we do have, and who we are today.

I learned that our attitude really does display our gratitude to everyone we associate with as well as our Father in Heaven. I know that when I think of all the blessings in my life it changes the way I feel and my attitude changes from one of being not-so-happy to an attitude of gratitude.

My hope as I go throughout this day that I will look for and think about every tiny little blessing that is in my life and keep that though in my heart. By the end of the day I hope to have a heart filled with blessings and an attitude filled with gratitude!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tuwid8_O8dk

Happy Thanksgiving!

Whats Most Important? Pies...Not!

Today I was so looking forward to making pies for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. I was even more excited to be able to share this with my two daughters. I knew we had a tall order to make and that it would be an all day event in order to make 10 different pies.

We got a late start and had several distractions but once I started  I realized about 2 hours into the pie making process that my body was not the same body it was last year at this time. Last year I prepared the house and the Thanksgiving dinner all in the same day plus worked full-time as a first year teacher. WOW where did my old life go?

It has been an extremely difficult thing to let go of what I used to be able to do, and now embrace and accept what I can do as important and rewarding. I have to not let what I accomplish be the measure of my success. I have to realize that just being able to feel good and be there with my family is really what is most important. I know this because my family had to get mad at me today and tell me to stop making pies so that I can be well for Thanksgiving.

Although I love and enjoy baking and although it was very hard to let go, I realized that by allowing my daughters to take over making pies is helping them to learn and serve. I felt very proud to see the accomplishments of my daughters pie making abilities and realized that pies are just eaten and then forgotten, but the memories we will make on the holiday are whats most important!

I know I am a work in progress and that this challenge somedays really tests me to my limits! I am grateful for amazing and supportive family who reminds me what is most important when I seem to forget!

I want to dedicate this post to my two amazing daughter and thank them for making 10 awesome pies!!
 I love you girls, I don't know what I would ever do without you!  You are the best! Love, Mom

Easing Burdens

When I woke up today I knew it was going to be a very stressful day.  I was really worried about how my adrenals would handle this stress. I prayed really hard that I would make it through this day without causing another breathing attack. I knew that my son really needed my help and support today. As I went throughout the day and as the thought of what we had to do would start to creep into my mind the fear and apprehension would start to increase which would start to trigger my physical symptoms, but just as quick as the fear crept into my body an calming peace overtook the fear.

Later that night, when I read this conference talk entitled "That Thy Burden May Be Light," by L. Whitney Clayton is when I really understood just how blessed I was today.

“I will … ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that … you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions."

I knew that the Lord was truly visiting me in my afflictions today and my burdens were being made lighter because of him. He continued:

“And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

I realized that I needed to be more cheerful and patient during my afflictions and I would be able to bear this burden with greater ease. I know I need to not be so impatient and complain about the pain I have. I need to choose to be happy and patient with myself and my body even on my most difficult days.

“And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying: Be of good comfort, for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage. 

I know as I stay happy and positive, trusting completely in the Lord and his will for me, and continue to bear this burden, then the Lord will lighten my load, strengthen me, and deliver me out of this bondage according to his own will and time.

I am so thankful I found this passage that helped me to realize just how blessed I was today in the midst of my struggles and stress. I was able to be there for my son and support him in what he needed me to do. I felt the Lord strengthen me and carry me the entire day. After everything was over I felt such an overwhelming gratitude for the Lord's hand in my life today that I reminded my son who benefited from this blessing as well to remember to thank the Lord in his prayers tonight and never forget how we were both so blessed today.

DUB: It Works For Me!

I have had several of you ask me to share more about what DUB supplements are and how they have helped me with this auto-immune disease.

After my Diagnosis in March of 2013, my pulmonary doctor told me they did not know what causes this disease nor did they have a cure for it. I felt helpless as I left his office. After the biopsy was performed and sarcoidosis confirmed, the doctor suggest I start on a long term high level dose of steroids. Not only did I have to deal with the nasty side effects from the steroids, but it continued to make my pain, breathing, and fatigue much worse. I was so ill I could not get out of bed for majority of the four weeks that I was on it. After the steroids, I was determined to find something without  the horrible side effects. I wanted something that would treat the inflammation in my lungs and lymph nodes naturally. I did not want to cause harm to any other part of my body from other medications that the doctor recommended. So I set out to find some type of natural supplement. If felt like I tried every kind of supplement out there, not really knowing what and how much to take at one time.  I would give them about two weeks to see if I noticed a difference. Buying so many different types of supplements was so very expensive and sometimes I felt like just giving up. I was overwhelmed and frustrated trying to find what would work.

About 2 months into my diagnosis, I had a family friend stop by and bring me a sample of DUB supplements for me to try. He told me to take it for 9 days and then let him know how I felt. I have to admit  I was very skeptical at first about something working in 9 days! I had already tried so many different things recommended by good friends and family that didn't work and I really didn't want to try something else. So I researched it on the DUB website and due to the urging of my husband I decided to give it a try. About 5 days into it, I started to notice a difference. This was the first time that I noticed a change for the better. The heavy feeling in my lungs was starting to lighten. The extreme exhaustion was beginning to lift. The pain was lessening. For the first time, slowly but surely, I was noticing a gradual improvement. By day seven I called this friend of ours and said "Where do I get more of this stuff?" My husband also notice a big improvement over these days. He was so excited to finally see me get out of bed and be able to do a few things for myself. I even progressed to having enough energy to swim for a short period each day.

I have been on DUB  for 6 months now. I am a firm advocate of this product.  I do not go a day without taking it. In fact, I ran out of the white Youth DUB a while ago, and by the second day I was feeling really miserable. My daughter could see me tanking so she drove directly to the office warehouse and bought an additional bottle for me  until my shipment arrived.  I now always keep extra on hand so I will never run out again.

I take 6 white Youth DUB each day. I spread then out throughout the day and have found this to give me the best results. I take two with each meal. The white Youth Dub has been great for keeping my inflammation and pain under control. I take 3 Muscle blue DUB each morning which works great for helping me with energy and strength. The red Burner Dub is best when taking 1 with breakfast and then 2 with lunch.

I have also eliminated gluten, dairy, and eggs from my diet which has helped me to loose 20 pounds along with the DUB. I did not start the DUB to lose weight. I started DUB to get and feel better. But along the way I have lost weight, which is a bonus.

Most importantly DUB helps me to live my life to the fullest  and have the strength to enjoy life while enduring this lifelong illness.  My husband also loves this product. He has problems with his knees and back for years. He had surgery 2 years ago on his knee and ever since he started DUB his knee has never felt better.  He also loves the energy he has from taking these supplements and doesn't miss a day.

I am so grateful for Jeremy Wardle (founder of DUB) for finding what supplements worked for him and his illness and formulating them into 3 affordable supplements that have helped me and my husband so much.

If you would like to know more about his product please watch this video that explains all about the DUB products.





If you would like to learn more here is the link to the DUB website:
http://www.dubnutrition.com

If you would like to order DUB, let me know, I became a distributor because I believe in this product whole-heartily. It has worked so well for me. Let me know if you would like a sample so that you may try it out for yourself.

If you are interested in trying DUB you can e-mail me at staciefuller@ymail.com or go to
http://www.mydub.com/staciefuller/

Trials Make us Stronger

Yes, today was the day that my body finally rebelled from the many busy events from this past week. From the funeral, swim meet, doctor appointments, house cleaning, and shopping all took its toll on my body today.

I spent hours in the tub soaking in chamomile epson salt, ice packing, and using the heating pad to help alleviate the upper chest and back pain. The pain became so unbearable and I had to resort to using  pain medication to take the edge off of the pain. 

I was so grateful that my kids and hubby pitched in to help. I found peace and happiness in spending time with my kids and grand baby. We had a great family dinner and all enjoyed playing and snuggling the baby.

I found this quote today that reminded me that our trials can refine us and make us stronger if we allow it to.

"Trials give us opportunities to show the Lord and ourselves that we will be faithful. We can choose to feel sorry for ourselves and ask, “Why me?” or we can grow from our trials, increase our faith in the Lord, and ask, “How can I be faithful in the midst of this trial?” We can let adversity break us down and make us bitter, or we can let it refine us and make us stronger. We can allow adversity to lead us to drift away from the things that matter most, or we can use it as a stepping-stone to grow closer to things of eternal worth." 

To read the entire article go to: http://www.lds.org/ensign/2010/03/learning-through-lifes-trials

On my difficult days, I honestly find it hard to think that this trial is making me stronger. It is those times that I fall to my knees to ask for strength to make it through. Many times my pain does not go away but I am given the strength I need to get through it.

 My prayers were answered through others today. I felt so blessed to have two young men show up with the sacrament for me. I did not want to bother anyone to bring it to me today. Tears came to my eyes when I answered the door, knowing that they took time out of their busy lives to  bring me the sacrament to help me have the strength to get through this very painful day. Also, a sweet neighbor dropped by with goodies and sent their love for me on this difficult day.  I am so grateful for the power of prayer. The tender mercies that were sent to me today really helped me remember just how the Lord knows exactly what I need.

Laughter...The best medicine!

Today as a family we all worked together to get the house ready for the upcoming holiday. I know my limits and really count on my family to help me to clean the house. I really appreciate all they do to help me out. I tried to not push myself too hard but found myself helping out more than I should. We then had to go to get groceries for Thanksgiving.  I was worn out but continued to push myself justifying that just one store would be okay.  As we headed for home I felt my lungs start to burn, the pain intensify, and my breathing and energy were zapped. I made it home just in time to collapse on the couch. My sweet hubby and kids put everything away and made dinner.

I enjoyed looking at pictures of my granddaughter tonight and made this funny collage of my oldest son, C'Jay who did not want to miss out on any of the fun with Landee!

This picture just made me laugh.... Laughter just makes me feel so much better!

Time Out For Me

I woke up today and tried to take a "Time Out For Me" day today. Sometimes as a woman, wife, and mother we can get so caught up in serving the ones we love that we forget to take time for ourselves. Having this disease has taught me that if I don't take the time and allow myself time to rest and recover, than my body will make me take the time. 

I can be pretty stubborn and somedays I push myself beyond the limits that my body can handle. At the beginning of today I wanted to do something that I enjoy doing. But life happened and I was needed by my family today. I did not take a time out for myself today. My oldest son called me today and lectured me for over an hour about how I needed to take more time to rest and do things that I enjoy. He said I need to learn to say no more and think of myself first. It is so hard to do! He was so sweet to think of me and I knew what he said was right. I had to promise him that I would schedule more days each week to rest and take time for myself. He is confident that this will help me avoid flare-ups mainly caused by stress and overdoing.

I am committing myself to taking more time out for me each day so that I can be a better mom and wife to my family and avoid painful flare-ups. 

 

Kisses for Grandma

Today, I spent the day just being a mom and a grandma. I loved going to the Pediatrician with Kaylee and Landee to see how big she is getting. I enjoyed the lunch that my daughter spoiled me with. I especially enjoy all the time I am able to spend just talking and enjoying their company. Life is too short to not take time each day to spend with the ones you love. Its really nice to just slow done once in a while and take time for yourself.

We ended the afternoon at Shaniah's swim meet. Shaniah was super excited to see all of us girls coming to support her. I think her favorite fan is Landee. I loved watching Shaniah improve her times as she is getting faster at her events. I am so proud of her. Landee especially loved watching the meet.

As I was holding Landee on my lap she turned her head and with a big open mouth, kissed my cheek. It was so cute. I am sure she was rooting a bit, but nevertheless I will take it as a big, fat, kiss for Grandma. This kiss made my whole day and really made me feel so lucky to be a grandma!
 I hope that I can be as amazing as my Grandma was to me!

Watching the swim meet

Loving Grandma

Kisses for Grandma!

Their Love Lives On

Today was a very special day. It was my Grandma Rhea's funeral today. It was such a special wonderful tribute to her and the amazing life that she lived. She would have loved having all of her family gathered around to pay their love and respect to her. She was such an amazing Grandma. She taught me how to crochet, how to bake, and shared her love of pictures with me.  Most importantly she taught me to always put others first.

If I can be half the Grandma that she was I will feel so successful in life. She did not have fame or fortune, but she found such happiness and joy by raising and being so involved with each member of her family. She has left her legacy on this earth for all of us to follow. She is an example to all of us and I will never forget her.

I know she is with Grandpa, the love of her life, and they are so extremely happy together. I put this slideshow together for her after Grandpa died a few years ago. We played this at her funeral to show the love they had when they were together. I am posting it here so anyone, especially her family, can watch it anytime they need a reminder of how happy they were, and  continue to be now that they are together again!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbvTZTBlmEE&feature=youtu.be

Their Love Lives On

Grandma and Grandpa Rhea

Grateful Mama and Grandma!

Today in the midst of a great deal of pain, I was able to find things I am so grateful for.......

My caring hubby who shopped, carpooled, and cooked today!
My youngest son who left shopping at his favorite store, Cabelas just to make sure I was okay.
My daughter who came for a surprise visit to help get my mind off the pain.
My cute new grand baby who smiled and played with me today.
My oldest son who called twice just to see how I was doing
My youngest daughter who earned her letterman's jacket in Lacrosse and is so busy being involved in two sports but still finds the time to ask what she can do to help.
A good friend who took the time to call and text me today.
My Mom who is handling everything for the funeral arrangements (she is amazing).
My son-in-law who works so hard to take care of his wife and new baby.
My grandparents who have left a legacy of love for me and my family.
My Dad who is always so willing to share his banana squash and tomatoes with us.
A warm home, healthy food, and a comfy bed.
And lets not forget my bath with camomile epson salt...(used it twice today, it really helps with pain)
But most of all my Father in Heaven who heard and answered my prayers and through his son Jesus Christ I was strengthened to endure this difficult pain day.

I love my life and I am so grateful to be living the life that  I have.

Shaniah sporting her new Letterman's Jacket. So proud of her and love her so much!

Landee is 2 months old!! Where did the time go???

Love, Love, Love this little girl!

Mountains to Climb

As I watched this video I realized that everyone has some type of mountain to climb. We all struggle with some type of difficulty at some time or another, I know that no one is immune from pain and suffering in this life and that the Lord will never give us more than we can handle.

http://youtu.be/xdN8rfwW3SI

This past week has challenged me as I have wondered if I am able to handle everything that has happened over this past week. As I have looked back at what I have been able to do I have realized just how much the Lord has played a hand in my life helping me to find a strength beyond my own. At times I have felt like giving up because times were just too difficult, but I know that as I have faith and pray, that my prayers will be answered, and I will be given the strength I need to endure.

I received a text from a very special friend who is struggling in her own life right now. She shared a song with me that has helped her realize that the Savior is all she needs to get through her difficulties at this time. It is through these trials that we gain a testimony of our Savior and learn that it is only through him where we can find peace. He suffered more than any of us can comprehend and he did it for all of us so he could know how to help us in our times of need.

 I want this friend to know I am so happy that my blog has helped her on some of her difficult days and I want to dedicate this post to her. I also want her to know how much her kind thoughts and words mean to me and how they seem to come on the days I need them most! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Beautiful Heartbreak

Today I woke up with such a feeling of peace and comfort. Yesterday my hubby made sure I had someone with me all day just in case my body decided to have another breathing attack. My daughter brought her baby over to be with me and give me the much needed happiness that I needed today. My two sons also took great care of me today. J'Dee took me to my acupressure/chiropractic appointment to help manage the pain and also made sure his younger sister was where she needed to be today. Later my hubby and daughters made dinner for everyone. My job for the day was to just hold and love Ireland all day long. I think somehow she knew that I was struggling and being such a high maintenance baby who loves to be bounced, entertained, and talked to, just simply enjoyed being held by me all day long. What a blessing it was to enjoy this little one all day! Thanks to my sweet daughter for sharing her baby with me!

It was such beautiful day to be surrounded by the ones you love as we all mourn the loss of our amazing, wonderful, sweet and loving grandma. I have noticed just how much strength and comfort I receive when we are all together. Our families our truly eternal and I am so thankful for the family I am  now as well as the family that has raised me and is still influencing me today.

Everyone in life will experience heartbreak in one form or another. This is one of my favorite videos by Hillary Weeks. This helps me realize that I am not alone and I am strengthened by others who endure their own heartbreaks well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyX-I-um5Kk

Just Let Me Cry

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zt0BKDOe3x0

Today was a very difficult day for me. This past week has been a very difficult one. I felt strength beyond my own this week as I tried to spend the last few days with my grandma as she passed on from this life to the next. My heart broke knowing that I would not be able to see her at her home or be able to deliver the 12 days of Christmas to her this year. I am the oldest granddaughter and have created such a closeness with her ever since I was little. 

Over the past few months as I have been sick, I have tried to keep my struggles away from her. I did not want her to worry about me. As my grandma she somehow knew and could see it on my face no matter how much I told her I was doing just fine. 

 I was awake most of the night. I had a great deal of pain and was in and out of sleep from 1:00 am until 4:00 am. At 4:00 am my sweet hubby tried to ease my pain through massage but it only made it worse. The pain was so intense I could not lie down on my lungs, front or back, and thought I would try a hot bath with epson salt and baking soda to help ease my pain. As I entered the tub I found myself thinking about my grandma. My heart ached as I mourned her loss. I started to cry. I tried to hold back the tears and take deep breaths. I knew if I didn't then I would set off another breathing attack. I tried hard to not cry but my heart ached so deeply for my grandma that I could not help but let it out. 

Next thing I knew my hubby was right by side holding my hand helping me get through once again another breathing attack. But this time not only was my hubby there but I felt my grandma along with my grandpa with me as well. The spirit of their presence was so strong in the room that my husband could feel it as well. The impressions that I felt were that my grandma could not be with me when she was on earth to help, but now she and my grandpa together would be my guardian angel and help me through this illness. I knew at this time that she would not only be there for me but for all the grandchildren as well.  As my husband and I basked in the warmth of their presence we felt their happiness being together again and we reminisced about the love my grandparents had with one another and hoped to have that same love as we grow old together.

 I felt such peace and strength through this experience and know that she will be by my side for the rest of my life. This also made me realize just how thin the veil is and how really close we are to our loved ones on the other side. I am so grateful for my grandma and the many wonderful things she taught me.  I am so thankful for the knowledge I have of life after death and knowing that our loved ones are not far away helps me feel peace and strength throughout this process. 

Goodbye Grandma

Today was a very bittersweet day. This morning my son, C'Jay came and picked me up so that we could go and visit grandma again. As we arrived Grandma was mumbling words but was unable to open her eyes. We could not understand what she was trying to say but when I hugged her and told her I loved her, she whispered and said "I love you too." My son and my Dad gave her a blessing of comfort. The blessing told us that she would be able to pass quietly and and with no pain.
She has been sick and in and out of hosptials for the past 10 weeks. We were so grateful to get her into a care center where she could be at peace. She has been kept comfortable for the past two days.

We were told that she might suffer for 1-2 weeks, we were distraught at the thought of her having to suffer for that long. We know are prayers were answered when she passed away within a few short hours after that beautiful blessing given my my father and my son.

She passed away in peace having no pain and slipped quietly away. I know she is having the best reunion with her sweetheart who has been gone for 6 years. The were such lovebirds and I know this separation has been very difficult for them both. She also had her parents, brothers and sisters, her son and her grandson, my brother, Kevin, who I know she enjoyed a wonderful reunion with all of them as well!

I am so thankful for families and the opportunity we have to be together forever! My Grandma taught me so much! I love to bake, sew, and crochet thanks to her. My love for pictures and home movies is because of her. Her family meant everything to her and I have gained that love from her!

I will love you and cherish the memories we had together forever!

I know she hung on for the past 10 weeks because she wanted to see her first great, great, grandchild be born. She got her wish and we were able to take a beautiful 5 generation picture that will be a treasure always and forever!

I love and miss you Grandma! Give Grandpa a kiss for me!

Pushing Forward

This 3 minute video really touched my heart today and reminded me that no matter what we are going through we need to trust in the Lord and push forward with all our heart.

http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=2221439363001

This week as a family we have been dealing with numerous challenges. I know we are not alone in our struggles and everyone has their own battles to deal with. Between my own health challenges, my sick grand-baby, my youngest daughter's shoulder injury, and my grandmother who is slowly leaving this world for a better, has been what I would call a very tough week. I have tried to be there for all of my family supporting, comforting, and loving them. At times I have had so much pain due to trying to be there for everyone. As I watched this video it gave me the courage I needed to push forward! I know that the Lord will give me the strength I need both spiritually and physically to get through these challenges at this time.

I know He will not give me more than I can handle and sometimes having the courage and faith during difficult times will be what gets you through! Sometimes we don't know how strong we are until we see how strong we have to be!

Tough Decisions

Today I watched my family make a very difficult decision. My Grandma Rhea has been suffering for the past 3 months in and out of Hospitals, Intensive Care Units, and Rehab/Care Centers. It has been a very long and tough journey for her. From heart and lung problems, blood clots, internal bleeding and infections throughout her body has completely worn her frail physical body out. It has been very hard to see her suffering so much. After the doctors had done all that they could and her physical body continued to shut down the family had to make a very hard decision today.

Due to her agitation of having tubes down her throat and nose the family decided that she had finally had enough of tests, tubes, and being poked and prodded all of the time.

I know it was such a struggle to know what to do. A family prayer was said circled around grandma and the decision was apparent of what had to be done. We needed to love her enough to let her go. A strong feeling of comfort and peace came into the room as we all knew that grandpa who passed away 6 years ago wanted her back in his arms again. We all could feel the strong presence of his spirit and knew that he was here to be reunited with his sweetheart once again.

Grandma was moved to a care center today and all tubes were removed. She is resting comfortably and is at peace. We were able to awaken her a little bit tonight and as I told her I loved her, she puckered her lips and tried to kiss my cheek. She also whispered the words "I love you too." She is in such a weakened condition that you are really not able to get much from her and this really meant the world to me and will probably be the last time I will hear that from my Grandma.

I love her so much and know that she will be free from her pain and suffering soon. Today in the hospital, for a brief moment I pictured my grandparents embrace when they see each other again. I know it will be such an amazing happy time for them both!  I know that their love with continue through eternity and it will continue to grow and grow. I love her so very much and will miss her dearly. I am so thankful that they were sealed in the temple and that our families will be all together for eternity.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0J-_f4oRuWI

I love this song and especially how sweet it is coming from a little child.

Service Comes in all Shapes and Sizes

Tonight I was pondering how easy it is to serve others but just how hard it can be to be served by others. My entire life I have served my family, my neighbors, my ward, and my community. I have loved every minute of it and have found so much peace and joy in serving them. These past few months since my diagnosis I have really struggled with asking for help and then trying to not feel guilty for not being able to help them. I know that this illness is teaching me to be humble and allow others the opportunity to serve and enjoy the blessings of service. I am so grateful for opportunities I have had to serve and the many blessings it has brought into my life.

I remember back a few months ago praying for my teens. I vividly recall pleading with the Lord and asking him what I could do to help them through their teenage years. Times are tough for teens today and I asked the Lord to help me know what I could do.

 As I have witnessed the difficulties of these past few months for not just myself but for my family, I have seen first hand just how service softens hearts and blesses lives. I have seen such a change in my children's ability to serve and their willingness to put others before themselves. I have been so blessed to reap the blessings of watching them grow and be strengthened through this trial. I have felt their love through their small and simple acts of service. It is the key to helping us become closer as a family and to our Father in Heaven. I know my kids feel the  pure love of Christ each time they do something to help me out. I am learning to sit back and accept help and then shower them with gratitude in return.

Although I can't do giant acts of service at this time, I am learning that small and simple acts are sometimes just as important. A smile, a hug, a compliment, or even just having someone to talk to is what I can do  for my kids. I am learning that service comes in all shapes and sizes and it doesn't matter the size of the service that is important, but that you show your love to others any way that you can.

Fun Family Photos....

 Today we decided to finally take a family picture together. We do a family picture every year and make a Christmas card to send out to family and friends. My kids are so crazy when it comes to having a family picture done. This year we had Tyler and Mary, our brother and sister-in-law come and take our picture.  Ty and Mary are so sweet to be able to come and help us out.

We found a little park not too far from our home and decided it was a nice enough day for Landee to be outside. We were so excited to have Landee, our first grand-baby in the family picture this year. We knew we had to be on Baby Standard Time and try to catch her between naps and feedings. She did pretty well for only being 7 weeks old.

It was so fun today to watch my kids have so much fun playing at the park together. Between riding the   play horses, driving the play tractors, and jumping out of the swings really made for an eventful yet fun family photo shoot.

We took a lot of pictures and I will share some of our favorites.

Since the swing pictures really turned out well, I think I will make a card that says:
"Just swinging by to wish you a Merry Christmas."

My Family... I love them all so very much!

Baby's first swing

The kids really wanted to see if we could still do the spider! NOT!

Shaniah, C'Jay, and J'Dee... crazy kids!!

WOW ... Way to stick your landings!

A Rough, but Fun Day!

Today we woke up early to get over to the swim meet. I realized pretty quickly just how non-gluten friendly hotel breakfast really are. I should have prepared better by taking some nuts or fruit with me but I guess I will have to learn by my mistakes! haha!

The meet lasted from 8am-1pm. A very long one, but with 5 high schools competing it really does take that long. Shaniah was quite nervous swimming but I knew she would do well. She swam a 50 freestyle and got a great time. We were so proud of her and how hard she has worked. She has such an incredible work ethic and a competitive spirit about her. She works out two times a day with the swim team. She comes home physically exhausted most nights but today proved that all her hard work really paid off.

We all loved watching Shaniah especially Landee, who of course will be a swimmer just like her Mom, Dad, and now Aunt Shaniah.

Andrew had a great time coaching and really enjoyed sharing it with all of us. I found peace today in watching my family have so much fun together.

Today was such a fun day and even though it caused a rough flare-up it was totally worth it!

Logan, Pizza, and Family

We headed to Logan tonight in order to watch my daughter, Shaniah, who is on her high school's swim team,  compete in her first swim meet tomorrow. My son-in-law, Andrew, is the coach of the high school he teaches at and his team is competing there as well.  My daughter and grand-baby were going up to support them both.

I was really excited to get away and was looking forward to watching Shaniah's first swim meet. My daughter, Kaylee found a gluten-free pizza place that we enjoyed tonight. It was so exciting to finally eat real pizza that actually tasted pretty good!

Kaylee and Andrew fell in Love in Logan as they both graduated from USU. It was really fun for them to share one of there favorite pizza places with us. The best part was spending the time together with them and baby Ireland.

Kaylee, Andrew, and Baby Landee

Challenges Change You

If it Doesn't Challenge You, then it Doesn't Change You!

This morning was filled with a sick son who woke up with what I thought was strep, which after a trip to his doctors proved to be the case. After his doctor we took a quick trip to my doc for a chiropractic adjustment to help calm the migraine caused from the flare-up.

I was blessed today to be able to have the energy and health needed to take care of my son's sickness and get him the medication he needed. My Grandma is still having a difficult time in Intensive Care and I have really wanted to be with her but know I need to take care of my son and myself. My family will not allow me into the hospital again because of my low immunity due to this disease. I am so thankful that my daughter, my granddaughter, and I were able to visit Grandma on Halloween. This was the last good day that she has had since then. I know that this was another tender mercy from the Lord.
My prayers are with her every day and I know she is constantly in our thoughts and prayers.

I know that we are given challenges in order to grow and become the person the Lord intends us to be. I am thankful (most days) for the challenges that are changing me into the person the Lord wants me to be.

Tender Mercies

As I was reading tonight before bed I came across a conference talk entitled, Wilt Thou Be Made Whole, by Elder TImothy Dyches.

At the end of a painful day, I was reminded as I read; that this life on earth is meant to be difficult and that "opposition in all things" is not a flaw in the plan. But instead it is where our will is strengthened as we turn our hearts unto Him. As we turn ourselves unto God-and engrave His image upon our countenance all that is unfair about life can be made right through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

I believe this will all my heart and have felt this many times especially these past few months. On days where the difficulties seem so unfair and I sometimes feel as if my old life has been ripped away from me, the Lord seems to send me a tiny tender mercy that reminds me just how much he really does love me. On these days I seem to feel the closest to Him as he strengthens me and  I feel him blessing me and my family in other ways.

Today's tender mercy was the opportunity I had to baby-sit my sweet little Ireland while her mommy ran some errands. As I held her today she slept on my chest. Although I had horrible chest pain I could not nor would I let her down. She laid on my chest and her sweet little hand held onto my chest as a reminder just how much the Lord loves me through this tiny little one.

(Sorry about my face and hair, on my bad days this is the reality of what I look like. I thought about cropping my face out so that you could only see baby Ireland's but oh well, this is the reality of my flare-ups. I actually kinda scared myself with this picture! haha!)

I know that everyone struggles and no one is immune to them. I know that as I try to remember this and know that the Lord will never give me more than I can handle helps me to feel peace throughout this process!

Family and Friends

Today we spent most of the day driving and meeting with a homeopathic specialists an hour away from our home. It is very difficult to get in to this specialist and when she called me yesterday to tell me that she has been doing a great deal of research since July and wants to see me, then you drop everything to make that appointment.

It was hard for me to want to take care of myself today because I wanted to be with my Grandma in the hospital. She is now in ICU again and still not doing well. I love and care for her so much. My wonderful supporting husband and my personal RN daughter would not allow me to miss this appointment with this specialist. I am so thankful for there love and support in going with me and being by my side all day today.

 This specialist has been following my disease since July. She has done a great deal of research and met with her colleagues in order to help find ways to manage this disease. She repeated the testing she did back in July. When she tested my blood she found a great deal of bacteria in my blood, very few white blood cells, and many red blood cells that are clumped together demonstrating lack of ability to hold oxygen. My blood also showed there is a lot of inflammation in my body. It was interesting that she saw micro-plasma pneumonia bacteria still in my blood from a sickness I had as a child.  Other tests were done and it was evident that my adrenals are failing due to their constant battle trying to fight off a disease that cannot be fought. This explained the reasoning behind the four breathing attacks I have had over the past month which has led my family to almost calling 911. These attacks feel like I am suffocating and after the attack calms down I have a pins and needles feeling in my arms and legs due to lack of oxygen. I learned that because my body cannot produce the hormones needed to combat any type of stressor (good or bad) that this type of involuntary response to stress happens. It has happened four times this past month. Dealing with teens, stressful situations, getting upset, or even an action/dramatic movie has set me up for one of these attacks.

Learning more about why my body is doing the things its doing and finding what I can take naturally to help combat these things bring me a great deal of peace. This specialist increased my regimen of adrenal supplements, DUB supplements, anti-inflammatory and boswellia supplements. I am also to continue on my progesterone, testostorone, DHEA, and estrogen to help boost the endocrine system that is also taking a huge hit from this disease. Today we added the heavy metal Beryllium in small doses which has been shown to possible help diseases similar to Sarcoidosis.

I also learned today that because I have very few white blood cells my body cannot fight off any type of cold or sickness. I guess me and Ireland will be hanging out a lot this winter at home together!! YAY! More time with BABY! That is definitely a bonus!

        

 Look at those Kissing Cheeks!

She is definitely the little ray of  sunshine we need in our family right now!

As we were on our way home I really wanted to see my grandma one more time, I know my daughter my son-in-law, and my hubby were not crazy about me going into a hospital after such a rough day but they were kind enough to let me go love my grandma one more time.

I am so thankful for my family who is always there for me and helps me to remember to take care of myself so I can be around for them.

I am also so grateful for the many close friends who send texts or phone calls expressing their love and concern in my behalf. Your texts seem to come on days when I am struggling the most.
Thank you so much for always saying exactly what I need.

Life would be extremely hard with out a great support system!

Thanks to all my family and friends

I love you!

Enduring to the End

I have realized that we are all sent here to have trials and it is not what type of trial that we are given but it is how we endure that trial that matters most. If we can endure it well and turn to the Lord for help he will bless us with what we need at that time whether it be peace, comfort, or reassurance that every thing will be alright.

Although I was having a bad pain day, I really wanted to see my Grandma. She is enduring her own battle right now as she is reaching the end of her life here on earth. She is my hero and role model. I love her so much and hate to see her in so much pain and suffering. I know Grandpa is waiting for her on the other side as well as her son, grandson and many other family members. We all do not want her to leave this earth but we all know it is part of this plan. It is so hard to see her suffering with so many health issues at this time. I find peace in knowing what the blessing my son gave her said. The blessing told us that she would be where she will have peace, comfort, and happiness. We must endure watching her endure these last few days on earth. We all love her so much and wish that she will not have to be in pain any longer.

Just Pray

After what I did yesterday really set me up for a full pain flare today. The hardest thing for me is to try and be there for others when I am in a full flare.

Today, my grandma who is in the hospital worsened, my daughter and son-in law needed help, my mom needed my support, my teens needed my love and time, and my older son needed to feel his Heavenly Fathers love. Although I wanted to be and do everything I could for everyone today, I realized with the help of my family that I needed to put my own health first today and allow my family to help me. I was feeling useless by not being able to help them, suddenly I felt a very strong impression to not focus on what I can't do but focus on what I can do. A strong thought came to my mind that I can  PRAY for each and everyone of them.

As the day unfolded and I continued to pray for them. I watched my son feel his Heavenly Father's love as he gave two amazing blessings, one to my grandma and one to me. I saw my teens get the opportunity to feel love and get the time they needed by holding and taking care of our grand baby Ireland, while the same time helping my daughter and son-in-law get the much needed time they needed together. I believe so much in the power of prayer and am so grateful to be able to use it to get me through my difficult days. Allowing the Lord to teach me to step back and allow him to guide and bless my families life is the lesson I learned today.

Auntie and Uncle Time with Ireland!

Leaning on Others

I knew when I woke up that what I had planned for the day would be more then I could handle and would possibly set me into a painful flare-up. But sometimes you just have to do things that make you feel good mentally. I went to a baby shower, went to a store, and helped with my grand baby. Doesn't sound like much but by 5:00 pm my body was tanking. My breathing was labored, my energy was spent, and my chest pain was intense. Not to mention the migraine that was beginning due to my bodies tensing up from the pain.

Trying to find a balance while having this disease is something I struggle with daily. Not being able to do be that Super-Mom that I used to be can be quite devastating at times. Accepting and embracing my new normal is what I try and focus on each day. Finding the joy in this journey can be difficult at times. What helps me find peace in the process is when I focus on the little tender mercies the Lord sends to me each day. It might be a beautiful sunrise, or the warmth of the sun, or a friends smile, or even the love from my family that makes me realize just how blessed I am.
This quote reminds me to be grateful for the many blessing I do have and not focus on my daily struggles.

This blog has been a blessing to me. It has helped me to find and focus on the good things that happen each day and then share them. A few days ago I shared this blog on my facebook page with my family and friends. I started this blog to help me deal with this disease and to spread awareness about Sarcoidosis.   I am humbled and grateful for the opportunity to hear from many of you.  My hope is to be able to help others that may be struggling with this disease or others like it.

Please feel free to share your comments or questions with me either on this blog, by e-mail, or through Facebook. I am very willing to help you in any way that I can. My email is staciefuller@ymail.com

I am learning we can't get through life's challenges alone and that we need to lean on others in hard times.

Trust in the Lord

Tonight I just finished reading a conference talk entitled "Learning to Trust the Lord." It was about a woman who was very frustrated with her trial and how she had sadness, anger, disappointment, and resentment toward the Lord for allowing her to not only lose a child but also her husbands loss of a job which led to serious financial difficulties. As she struggled with her challenges a friend told her that we are all here on earth to be proven and we will always have trials and struggles. She also told her that we all have some sort of trial and that our job was to endure it well.

 I really related to this story because it not only quoted my favorite scripture but also because it made me realize that everyone is given trials to be proven on this earth. It is not about what type of trial that we should focus on but on how we can endure it well so that we can be proven here on this earth. I know the Lord will never give me more than I can handle and that on difficult days I can trust in Him to find relief. My favorite scripture that I refer to often is; Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thy own understanding, acknowledge Him in all things and He shall direct thy path.