Halloween Visit

Today after getting the kids off to school I felt a strong prompting to go see my Grandma Rhea in the hospital and take my daughter and Granddaughter with me. It is Halloween and I was thinking  back over the many Halloweens that Grandma had dressed up like a ghost and Grandpa had dressed up like Charlie Chaplin and awaited our visits with homemade pumpkin sugar cookies. I loved these memories and knew Grandma would be disappointed being in a hospital for this holiday so we decided to take Halloween to her. So all three of us dressed up and away we went. I went as a scarecrow, Kaylee as the Grandma of Little Red Riding Hood, and the Ireland as Little Red Riding Hood. I know this completely brightened Grandma's day. She hugged me and told me how much she loved me and just how happy this simple little visit made her.  Grandma was so happy that she would not stop talking about it for the rest of the day How grateful I am to have the time in order to follow through on the prompting. Apart from having this disease I am really starting to see the tender mercies that I am allowed to help me make it through difficult times. I know that service is the best medicine when your not feeling well. I have learned that it is through the simplest of things that brings the best results.

We Love You Grandma!

Listen, Love, and Laugh More.

Today I received a call at 7 a.m. by my sweet daughter who recently had her baby. She was in need of some help today. I knew there was a reason I had felt good this morning and had myself up and ready by this time. I did not realize it at the time, but later pondered the fact that I am never normally up  and ready that early due to my illness. I was grateful for the good morning that I had so that I was able to help out when I received the call.  I am so thankful for good days and grateful for the energy and good health on those days. My family means everything to me and I am grateful for the tender mercies that the Lord allows me in order to help them. I am truly grateful for the blessing of not busying my life with things that do not really matter, which in part has been forced by this illness. I am finding joy each day as I am able to be a better mother to my children. I am able to listen more, love often, and laugh at the simple things. I love to always be there for them. I am realizing just how much it means to my kids to always be available for them. I truly find happiness and peace in being a granddaughter, daughter, mother, wife, and grandmother each day.

Strength Beyond My Own

Today my Grandma was taken to the ER. She was very sick. She had an infection and fluid in her lungs and her kidneys were only functioning 5%. I met my mom at the ER and stayed with them until she was admitted. I prayed so hard that I would be well enough to be able to be there for my grandma and be a support to my mom. I felt the strengthening power of the Savior's atonement throughout the day and I knew that my Heavenly Father was answering my prayers and giving me the strength I needed to be there for both my mom and grandma. I know they were worried about my health but I knew that I needed to be strong for them and the Lord made it possible for me. I am grateful for the strength that I felt beyond my own today.

Forever Families

Today we went to see my Grandma Rhea in the rehab center. She was supposed to be coming home in two days but her health has been declining. I took Kaylee and Ireland with me and wanted to cheer Grandma up. When we arrived she was was very weak and sick and I was concerned that she would need to go back to the hospital. I sat next to Grandma in her bed and she told me that Grandpa (who passed away 6 years ago) came to snuggle her in her bed last night. She said they talked about who she was going to see first. She said she saw other family members and that Grandpa always knew what she should do. Grandma said that she was let-down when Grandpa wasn't there in the morning when she woke up. This special conversation that I had with Grandma really touched my heart and I realized just how close we are to our loved ones on the other side. I could feel such a special spirit in the room as Grandma was sharing. It made me think how much Grandpa wanted her up in heaven and how all of her family is waiting for her. Grandma's son, Clint and my brother Kevin also passed away 7 years ago and I know that they are anxiously awaiting her return. I know we would be very sad to loose Grandma but it would make many others in the spirit world very happy to have her.  I am so thankful  that families can be forever and that our loved ones are waiting for us on the other side. Knowing this brings me peace.

Family Fun

I was able to make it the entire three hours of church today. I was really excited to be there with my family. It was so wonderful just to be there. I took a pillow and used it for the back of my chair, the pressure from the back of chairs push on my lungs and cause additional pain and pressure. My hope is to be able to try and not overdo on Friday or Saturday so that Sunday I am not in a severe flare-up. Having this condition has really made me aware of my limits. I am learning what I need to do and not do in order to not cause additional flares. My biggest problem is that I still try to push it when I have good days which then causes bad days. It is a work in progress.

After church all my children came over. It was so fun to watch my kids have fun with each other. It was getting dark and they all decided it would be fun to race one another. Our oldest son, C'Jay, age 23 challenged Shaniah, our youngest, (age 15) that he could win her any day in a race. Niah has been playing lacrosse and has been working out 2 times a day for swim team. It was funny to watch them challenge each other in a race. It wasn't long before Kaylee (age 22, who recently had a baby 5 weeks ago), and J'Dee (age 18), and Bubba (Kay's hubby, age 23) all decided to join in on the fun and join this race. It was dark and I got out the video camera and turned on night vision just to record the fun. We teased and laughed as we watched everyone literally try to kill themselves just to win a race. There was tripping over dogs, racing around trees, and taking shortcuts just to win the races. Amazingly no one was injured during these nighttime races! It wasn't until after the racing that J'Dee did not watch where he was walking and stepped off of the porch and sprained his ankle. All in all is was a fun night even though it ended with a minor injury we still made some really Family Fun memories.

C'Jay doing squats to keep Ireland happy!

Uncle C'Jay

Taking A Time Out!

Today I enjoyed a girls day out with my mom, my two daughters and my sweet granddaughter. Each of us have had our own struggles to deal with lately and we all needed to get away. We all decided it was time to have a fun day with just the girls. We all decided to go to the Pinterest Expo. I knew I would have a difficult time walking that far, so I swallowed my pride and got in a transport wheelchair and totally enjoyed my time with my family. We all had a great day getting away and just enjoyed being together. Being in the wheelchair had it perks. I had a good reason to hold and feed the baby her bottle during the expo. Also, not being in pain and short of breath helped make this experience much more pleasurable. That made being in the wheelchair all worth it. Taking a time out just for me was totally needed and worth it today! Thanks to my mom and daughters who forced me into the wheelchair and pushed me all around today! Love you girls! So lucky to have all of you in my life! You are the best!

5 Generations of Girls

My Grandma Rhea has been in the hospital for the past 7 weeks. She has had some very difficult health challenges. She was in the Heart ICU for 4 weeks. She was very sick. The week before Ireland was born she fell and was transported to the hospital. I remember visiting her in the ICU and was with her right before she went into surgery. A blessing was given to her and as I hugged her she looked me right in the eye and said "Don't let anything happen to me, I have to be here to see my Great, Great, Granddaughter be born." This was grandma's first great great grandchild. Actually it was the first for all five generations of girls. We were so excited for this little one to be born and wanted Grandma to be around for her birth. I am so grateful that Ireland came a little early and Grandma was able to see her first great great grandchild for the first time. We took 5 generation pictures. This was a very special moment for all of us to have 5 generations of girls in our family! We are so blessed to have Grandma feeling better and coming home next week! We love you!

Five Generations

Me (Stacie), My Mom (Cheryl), My daughter (Kaylee),

My Grandma (Lajuana), & My Granddaughter (Ireland)

I am so blessed to have an amazing mother and grandmother who have taught me how to love and serve other unconditionally. I am also so fortunate to have such a special daughter and granddaughter who bless my live each day!

The Light of Our Lives

Today my hubby had work off and after we got the kids off to school we dropped by to watch our grand baby Ireland while our daughter Kaylee ran a few errands. We so enjoyed playing with her. She is 5 weeks old and we surely love every minute we can spend with her. Today Ireland smiled at us when we were talking and playing with her. Kim, my hubby barely grabbed the camera in time to catch the last of her huge grin! It is amazing how this little tiny girl can bring so much love and joy into a family. The Lord knew we would need her at this time. She is truly the light of our lives.! My daughter and her hubby struggled with infertility problems for three years and were told that neither of them would ever conceive a child. They prayed, fasted, attended the temple, and did every holistic remedy possible to conceive naturally. The Lord blessed them for their faith with this little miracle. She continues to be a miracle to this family and brings so many blessings to all of us. She is the light that we all needed at this difficult time. She is definitely what brings peace to me each day!

The Light of Our Lives!

Learning to Dance in the Rain

A few months ago a dear friend brought by a picture with the following quote on it. I have put this in a place that I look at several times a day. It has meant so much to me. It has helped me to keep a positive perspective on some of my darkest days.

Sarcoidosis is a disease that is lifelong and there is no cure for it. This quote has helped me to remember to not wait for the rough days to pass but instead learn to focus on the good and happy things that happen each day. In fact this quote was one of the reasons I started this blog. I not only wanted to ponder and think about the positive things each day but also wanted to record them. By posting them on my blog it has helped me to always look for those good things each day and not focus so much on the painful struggles that go along with this disease. I am truly grateful for a good friend who took the time to stop by for a visit and bring me a little Peace in the Process.

Family is Everything

We had a great family night last week where my husband had us listen to Elder Hollands talk entitled, "Like a Broken Vessel"

Here is the link if you would like to read or listen to it:

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng

It was such an emotional and uplifting talk. My two teens and my husband were both touched as well. You could feel the spirit so strong in our home. I believe that this family night had to be one of the best ones we have ever had. After the talk we all shared what we felt about it. My hubby shared to the kids that this trial mom has is not just for her, but for all of us. It was so wonderful to hear him express his love and concern for me as we have endured this together. He has always been there for me throughout this process. He has stayed up with me through many painful sleepless nights. He has been such an advocate of finding the right specialists for this condition. I am so grateful for such a loving and caring man in my life. I really have learned to lean upon him in my weakest moments. 

My two wonderful kids who were with us that night also shared with us there deepest concerns. I am so appreciative of there love and support and I know this will bring all of us closer together. Trials seem to somehow do that to families. 

I also appreciate my two older children and son-in-law who don't live at home but who are here for me at any time of the day. I so appreciate there love and concern and their willingness to make dinners, carpool kids, or take over when dad is gone. There help is selfless and so appreciated!

I so love all of my family and am so grateful for all of their love and support! I know I would never make it without them!

 Family is Everything!

To Friends and Family

Many of my friends and family have asked me how I am currently doing and want to know more about Sarcoidosis. So this post is for all of you who would like to know what I have and where I am at in this process as well as any others who might have this disease and want to know what is working for me. When I was first given this diagnosis I had never heard of it nor could even pronounce it (Sar-Coi-Do-SIs). Since then with the help of my amazing husband and very supportive family I have started to build a solid team of professionals to help me with this journey. There is very little known what causes it, and nothing has been found to cure it. They believe it is in the auto-immune family but have been unable to be for sure.

I have attached to the upper right corner of this blog a Strength quote that if you click on it will take you to the most comprehensive article on Sarcoidosis. It is the best informative article I have found.

Sarcoidosis is a disease that basically likes to attack and destroy your organs. Most people with sarcoidosis will have it in there lungs but not all. It is in my lungs and my lymph system. I have granulomas in my lungs to numerous to count (as per the CT scan results). I have chest and upper back pain from this. The lymph nodes in the center of my chest are enlarged and create a great deal of pain as well. Because this disease is flared by inflammation I have completely changed my diet to not allow any inflammatory foods into my body. I have cut out gluten, dairy, eggs, all refined sugars, and pretty much anything that tastes good! haha! (The good news: it is a great weight loss program) LOL!

 Right after my biopsy I tried some medication that my lung specialist put me on but the side effects and increased pain put me in bed for a month. Since then I have chosen to turn to a more natural approach to healing. It is a very slow process trying to find something that helps but It is wonderful to not have to take drugs that alter my personality or destroy any other part of my body in the process.

My adrenal glands are literally pooped out because they are trying to fight against these invaders in my lungs that wont go away, so my body has a very difficult times dealing with any type of stressor, good or bad. My body does not put out the hormones needed to counter with the stress so it responds with a breathing attack which I do not enjoy. But with the help of my family I am able to make it through the best I can.

So what is helping me currently: I am currently taking a DUB supplement from DUB nutrition which has been such a huge blessing. These supplements were made especially for auto-immune diseases. I can tell a huge difference in my pain level if I forget to take the anti-inflammatory supplements.  I also am taking four different hormones in order to try and balance my endocrine system which is also being effected by this disease.  My DO in Provo has me on a candida flush to rid my intestinal track of yeast overgrowth. They are hoping that this might help keep the immune system in check. He also has me on a drug that is trying to trick the immune system into thinking it has more endorphins which will lead it to trying to function normally.

Also, I have done restorative yoga, acupuncture, massage, and chiropractics to help with pain. And the best pain medicine I have found is my little grand baby IRELAND!! She really does make me feel great on difficult days!

So there you go...Just a little bit on what is going on with me. Thanks so much for all your love and concern!

Video: Every Breath & Every Pain

Today I found peace in watching a slideshow I put together a year ago for a woman's conference that I was asked to speak at. At this conference I shared my story from 2011 when I fell down my cement stairs and ripped my shoulder joint in two places; during this same time I was in the Elementary Education program, and one semester away from graduating. I shared how I spend the entire semester in a shoulder sling only using one arm.  I also had to have surgery to repair the joint and only 5 days after surgery I was expected to complete my student teaching for 3 weeks. I remember going each day to school and teaching 1st graders. It was a very difficult time but it was an amazing experience to rely upon the Lord to help me get through those very tough times. I literally felt the Lord carry my pain for me while I was there for those 4 hours each day and once I returned home the pain would return for the rest of the day. I compiled this video back then because it reminded me just how the Lord knows every breath and every pain that I was going through and that he would be there to carry me through.

I know that having the shoulder injury was something that prepared me in dealing with this disease I have currently. I want to share this video because I watch it when I need to find strength beyond my own. I know the Lord has suffered for us all and that the atonement does cover ALL pain, no matter whether it is emotional, physical, or mental he will always be there for us.

http://youtu.be/vp58P_wnIoU

Gratitude for blessings

I am so grateful for the many blessings in my life. My new granddaughter Ireland, has not been doing so well this past week. We were extremely worried about her. Last night my husband and my son-in-law gave her a blessing. After the blessing I felt peace and comfort and knew she would be okay. Early this morning, just hours after the blessing, we saw the miracles promised in the blessing come to pass. Ireland has turned the corner for good and is making great progress. We are so thankful for all the many prayers offered in her behalf. I am so thankful for the blessings from our Heavenly Father for her. She brings so much light and happiness into this family. We are indeed fortunate to be blessed with this special little spirit.

Ireland Stacie Powers

"Landee"

Replacing Fear with Faith

     Since my diagnosis 7 months ago, I have to admit that I lived in fear. I was afraid of the unknown. Not knowing how I got this disease, what caused it, or even what my future would hold,  made me a bit apprehensive to say the least. As I searched for answers about Sarcoidosis, I have found just how different this disease can manifest itself in people. This caused a great deal of fear and anxiety for me. Knowing that these granulomas were already in my lungs and lymph system caused me to worry and wonder what was in store for me.
     As I have committed myself to learning more about this disease in my search for answers, I have found that knowledge can replace fear to an extent. But even knowing everything you can about this disease doesn't calm you completely. Fear can cripple you and I had to realize that I needed to replace my FEAR WITH FAITH. Worrying about things you have no control over is not helpful nor healing. Replacing our fear with faith in our Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ is vital . Knowing that the Savior  already bore not only my sins, but also every pain and afflictions that I would have to go through in this life brings peace and healing to my soul each day. The poem footprints is a favorite of mine for many years and has been especially throughout these past 7 months. On my difficult days, when I feel that I cannot go on any longer with the pain I literally turn it over to the Lord and it is then that I feel my Savior carrying me.

Taking A Timeout!

Today I found my peace at the end of a very rough pain day for me. It was in spending time with my family at a Chinese food restaurant as we celebrated my daughters championship win. It was therapeutic for all of us to laugh and joke with one another.  Our teenagers who naturally don't find it cool in the slightest to be "hanging out" with the parents found fun and excitement in such a simple time spent together as a family. I realized tonight just how much stress and pressure can be place on teens. I realized that this disease is not just rough on me but on them as well. Not only does it do me good to get out and have fun with the family but it also does them good to see me having fun and laughing. My family has told me that my pain shows on my face even when I tell them I am fine and try to be strong for them. I try hard to not let them know that I am in pain, but they say that I have a droop eye that gives it away every time. Haha! It makes me laugh to think that my family is looking for that droop eye as an indicator of my pain level. This was a great night as we enjoyed spending time with one another and I realized that taking a timeout with family can not only fill our buckets but theirs as well. 

The Droop Eye Dog!

Do what you can do and that's all you can do!

Today my older daughter Kaylee, needed me to come and help her with her fussy baby. They had a rough night and did not get any sleep. I really tried to do all I could to help her with the baby. I really enjoy being around that little one, even when she is fussy. She is just a bright ray of sunshine in our lives.  I am so blessed to be a mother and grandmother.

 I called my son J'Dee after he got out of school to come and help us with the baby. When he picked her up she immediately stopped. Kaylee asked him to PLEASE not go to his baseball game and stay and take the baby.

THE BABY WHISPERER

 Shaniah, my youngest daughter, had a championship Lacrosse game tonight. J'Dee had a game too but I knew I could only have the strength to go to one game so I chose to go to Shaniah's. I really miss being able to be everywhere and do everything that I used to. I have come to the realization that I DO WHAT I CAN DO AND THATS ALL I CAN DO!  That seems to be my motto on a daily basis. It has been a work in process but I am slowly figuring it out.

After a long and rough day I was able to go and see my daughter play the best game she had played all season. She made three goals and played her heart out and helped her team win the Championship. She was so excited that she did not stop smiling for hours.

Green Onions

Somedays you just need to step back and laugh at yourself. Laugher is the best medicine.  Today was a very rough pain day for me. Two of my four children needed help and I was determined to be there for both of them. Over these past few months I have had to find a new normal for myself and have had to let things go that are not as important as others. My family is THE most important thing in my life and I would do anything for them! I am learning that I do what I NEED to do and just have to plan for a flare-up afterwards and stay down for a couple days in order to recover from it.

So it was the end of the day I was attempting to make dinner, and I mean attempting, since this diagnosis I have had to cut out all gluten, dairy, eggs, sugar, and pretty much anything that tastes good! The creamy soup that I made did not look anything like what it used to look like when I would add whole milk and regular flour. This time it looked almost transparent and paste looking from the rice milk and arrowroot powder (It reminded me of Elmers glue... YUCK). I have to admit I was not too excited to eat it. But when you are starving you seem to eat anything that you can due to your limitless choices! However, I was excited about  the bacon and green onions that would cover up the awful appearance. Just as I sat down to eat I went to grab the green onions and low and behold they were nowhere to be found! I searched frantically and became very upset over not being able to find the  GREEN ONIONS! WOW, now thats a thing to get upset over.... After interrogating my teens, I found that they had been used the night before and then thrown out. My teens just looked at me in disbelief as I ranted and raved about the missing green veggies! It wasn't until later, during family night that we all had a good laugh at how MOM really FREAKED out about her precious green onions! I realized just how unimportant things can be and we should not take our pain and frustrations out on our loved ones. I am so thankful for such a forgiving family.

Finding Peace in the Process

Welcome
I am really excited to have my blog finished and ready for my first post! I have been wanting to create a blog since my diagnosis 7 months ago. If you have read my "About Me" column on the right side of this blog then you already have a short bio of what I have encountered so far with having Sarcoidosis. I hope that I can use this blog as a place where I can share my good and bad days, as well as, a place to share what I do to find peace in the process of living with a chronic illness. My intention is to share with you, or anyone struggling with there own type of challenges, whether they be physical, mental, emotional,  marital, financial or  even struggling with children.... and yes children are a blessing but they can be quite a challenge (especially teens). The source of peace that we can all turn to is the same no matter what the trial.

Everyone struggles and no one is immune to difficulties in this life. It is where we turn our tragedies into triumphs, our struggles into strengths, and our heartaches into happiness. Finding peace in the process is how I try and make it through each day. My hope is to share the blessings and tender mercies that I have been given each day to help me hang on to hope, find the peace, and enjoy the happiness while enduring and living with a lifelong illness.

This is me holding my first sweet grand baby Ireland Stacie, yes she is named after me! I am so excited to be a grandma for the first time! She is the sweetest thing and the best pain pill EVER!