I just got back from going to sacrament meeting at my church today Since being on this protocol I have not been able to be under fluorescent lighting for more than a few minute, so I have not been able to attend my church because it has fluorescent lighting everywhere!!
My sweet relief society president set aside a dark room where I could hear everything from sacrament meeting come through on an overhead speaker system. She also arranged with the young men to come to our dark room to offer us the sacrament. It has been 2 months since I have been attending sacrament meeting in the dark. I feel so blessed to be able to attend and partake of the sacrament. I know I could not make it through my week without renewing my covenants, repenting of my sins, and committing myself to do and be better each week by partaking of the sacrament.
I am also so thankful my daughter Shaniah and my husband choose to attend with me…in the dark… I know it sounds a bit crazy but I am so grateful for their love and support they give to me as we attend together in the dark.
Today was Fast and Testimony Meeting. The first Sunday of each month during sacrament meeting after we partake of the sacrament, they open up the meeting to the congregation who would like to bare their testimony or share their beliefs about our Savior Jesus Christ.
As I went to church fasting and praying for things that my family and I were in need of, I found myself struggling feeling so inadequate as a wife and mother, and wondering if I was doing enough to help all my children through all of their trials and struggles. I felt as if this illness takes so much out of me that I wondered if I was staying in tune enough with the spirit to be able to be there for those who really need me. I also felt inadequate and alone as if I wasn't serving others in my ward like I used to be.
As I was sitting in our dark room listening to members of our ward bare their testimonies I had a hard time distinguishing some of the people who were speaking. But then I heard a very familiar voice. I knew immediately who this young woman was. She was someone I had grown very close with this past summer. She has had some major struggles in her life these past few months, and this past summer she chose to confide in me as we shared our experiences and hardships with one another.
I know she has told me numerous that I was put into young women's to help her but really she doesn't even know just how much she has helped me and today was no exception!
Today as she bore testimony and expressed her gratitude for me in her life. I have to admit I was thankful to be in the dark room when she mentioned my name. I never wanted recognition of any kind, but hearing my name and knowing that a person who sits in a dark house day in and day out, just trying to make it through my own difficulties, could be in tune enough to know what to share with her when she really needed it most.
Tears began streaming down my cheeks as the Lord sent me a tender mercy to me today reminding me just how valuable I am and how what I AM GOING THROUGH can and will make a difference in someone else's life!!!
Before church I did not feel as if I mattered to anyone, and after her testimony I knew the Lord was telling me exactly what I needed to hear through her beautiful testimony! Even this young woman's mother bore her testimony and shared her gratitude for ward family members who have helped her children through their struggles.
This young woman's testimony was exactly what I needed to hear today. I needed to know that I am doing the Lord's work no matter how big or small it may be, it is all important!!!
This same young woman shared how important it is to share our struggles with others and how it really can help them through their own challenges. My thoughts turned to this blog and I realized I was behind. I knew I needed to do better and record all the ups and downs of my life and how with the Lord's helped me find peace through it all.
My goal is to not allow life's ups and downs, troubles and turmoils, or the craziness of it all take me away from sharing what helps me make it through each and every day! I commit today to not forget to share what matters most!
